SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ok I'm going to put myself in her shoes for a minute...

If I had agreed to cheat on my spouse in a multi guy situation and then chickened out once I arrived, only to be raped, pics taken and of coarse they would black mail me!

They would have(no disrespect to ur WS) their own little whore who they knew wouldn't tell due to her cheating

I do believe this story is possibly true. Why did she go back? If you have done any reading on sexual abuse/rape this CAN happen. They feel like they are already trash, then she knows they have the evidence to ruin her life even more(if that's possible).

Returning for more only confirms their feelings of be a piece of trash.

Also, I know from one of my closest friends who was raped as a teen that this can take a great person to gutter trash over night!

She never told her parents, it was never addressed, she has been a devoted mother,friend and a true Godly women in not only her words but her everyday actions.

BUT out of nowhere after almost 20 years of being in 100% faithful marriage and married to an amazing husband she truly one day snapped.

We are like sisters and she started acting out and had no problem telling me about it. I remember one afternoon she was with 3 different men! WTH??

Of coarse she was busted within 6 months and like u her husband was a true saint and got her the help she needed so many years ago.

This has been several years back and when we discuss it she feels like she's almost talking about someone else. Her hub never allowed her to use her past as an excuse but instead almost saw it as someone with an illness who needed help.

He felt, and I agree that if it was any other kind of illness he wouldn't question being by her side and of coarse morally her actions were horrible. He also saw she was broken, needed serious help and he had so many amazing years with her!!

Their was no doubt in his mind that like any other thing they had faced that he would get her the very best help and then decide if he wanted to continue the marriage.

Well it took a long time( sorry this is not a quick fix) but he saw the old wife returning, he for the first time really listened to how this rape affected her although she had buried it very deep.

He also learned so much about himself and saw their marriage put to the greatest test yet they did reconcile.

I won't tell u it was easy, nor a bed of roses... Far from it. You both have to work hard at it everyday.

Your wife is clearly broken. I can tell how much u love her. Guide her to getting herself repaired . I'm sure no matter how this ends up u don't want her to continue this path

Please know that not everyone wants to be fixed. They have carried the pain so long it's now a part of who they are and what they think they are.

All you can do is detach yourself as much as possible incase she's not willing todo the hard work to fix this.

My friends hub detached as much as possible yet focused on showing her the path to healing but preparing himself incase she chose another path....

Hang in there!

B, I feel for you!

However, as a female I don't usually watch gang/group porn, I do enjoy the soft core stuff I admit.

Her story seem like the script (yea script) of a porn movie I watched at a batchetlette party.

Have you confirmed her stories, could it be possible that other that the original long term OM that her story, including the rape, is a fantancy - a dilusion. She doesn't seem to have a grip in reality. Have you validated her story?

As a fellow LE officer, you and I know there's only one way to solicate the truth from your WW. Polygraph. IIWY, I wouldn't give her any other option. Make it a condition to even consider R.

My FWW hemmed, minimized, and flat out lied right up until we walked into the examiner's office. She knew then the jig was up, I ment business, and I wasn't backing done. It was then I got everything.

My dumdazz MC told me this wasn't a good idea, wasn't conductive for healing, and I should trust my WW. After the pre-polygraph confession I telephoned him, informed him my FWW just confessed everything thanks to the polygraph, he was an idiot, and we no longer required his services.

Don't back down on this. It will be the best $300 you ever spend.

Thanks for all of your wonderful support and help. This forum is making me think more than my MC is. It also helps to write this stuff down. Going back and reading some of what I have shared I wonder how much of a fool I was to believe any of this at the beginning.

I’m going to try to clarify some things. Her story has changed several times since D-Day. When I first confronted her she panicked. She first told me (even while talking to the MC) that the first time she agreed to meet OM1 was the day of the gangbang/rape and that he took pictures to blackmail her (WS agreed to meet him alone, but was going to chicken out in he forced her into the room where the OM’s were waiting). I’ll never forget us sitting together holding hands on our MC’s couch and her stating, “No matter how much you think I’m lying the facts will not change. The first time I was with OM1 was during the rape and I never had sex with Will.” Both of these turned out to be lies. She later told me that she exaggerated what happened to try to make me feel that she was forced into having sex. She exaggerated how many ppl OM1 “forced” her to be with, even telling me she thought he could have been “selling” her. She said she told me this to make it seem like she had no choice in the affairs.

Here is her latest “I’m telling the truth now” story. She had been w/ OM1 since Feb 09 until D-Day. He was the 1st person she admits to an A with. About 4 months into the A she agreed to have anal sex with him and it turned into an anal rape because she tried to make him stop. Even after this 1st “rape” she went back to him. OM1 had taken nude pictures of her (nothing x-rated according to WS). WS said she tried to break it off with OM1 several times and he said he would send the pictures to me if she did. I didn’t believe this because he is scared to death of me. I’m in LE, I carry a weapon w/ me everywhere, and I’m not a small man; I keep in shape.

Between a yr and a yr N a half WS agreed to one OM w/ OM1, but it turned into three other M’s (4 w/OM1l). This would have bn sometime between Feb and July of 2010. The GB story has changed so many times that it was hard for me to keep track of. The 1st story was that all of them had her in every way you can imagine all at one time and pictures were taken for blackmail. In the latest story no pictures or videos were taken…… I literally got sick typing this last part so I had to change it. To sum up the latest story of the GB, only vaginal sex for all and oral sex w/OM1 only. OM1 INTRODUCED each of the “rapists” by name one at a time (red flag). Sometime during the GB she “freaked out” and that is when she said it turned into a rape. It ended w/ one of the OM’s urinating on her and all leaving her in the motel room by herself. After the rape she went to Wal-Mart and Koal’s just to think (BIG RED FLAG).

The GB story has changed so many times that I have two theories on it. 1st theory is it never happened. 2nd theory is she liked it and that’s her excuse for having a threesome with one of the “rapist” and OM1 two more times.

Someone asked about the timeline with all of the other men. Most of the OM except for one came after the supposed GB. And all came after the supposed anal rape.

In Law Enforcement there is something called “suicide by cop.” This is where a person does not have the ba!!s to kill themselves so they force a cop to do it for them. I almost wonder if her continual lies could be her way of making me end the relationship so she does not have to. I may start another thread with this topic.

WS also has agreed to a polygraph and has even called to get information on it. It’s funny because WS even brought up her willingness to take a polygraph test shortly after D-Day, even though she was still lying then.

It no longer matters how many ppl she has been with, the only thing that matters for us to R is I have to know the absolute truth about every aspect of our marriage.

Dude....you have my prayers

Wow just wow! If your getting TT like that I don't know how you can decipher truth from fiction.

Poly might help, you need to know what your healing from in order to heal.

These WS don't seem to get that the lying does more damage than the A itself.

It's clear you truly love this women but this is some very serious stuff. She needs to write you out a timeline or better yet ask her to tell it to u from today backwards.

I've heard it's easier to decipher truth from fiction that way but I just don't know..

If I were u I would schedule the poly ASAP and don't warn her until it's time to head to the appt.

Have u spoken to any of these OM? Their wives if they have one?

This is so hard to muddle through and I can only imagine that u are doing your best just to get up each morning and function!

Keep posting and foremost u need to make sure u take care of yourself!

I second the WOW WOW WOW...WOW!

I just don't know what to say now. I mean saying someone raped you is a BIG thing, and if it's not true, it's very disrpespectful to anyone who has been raped. Why would she be inclined to tell you that??? She all ready knows you know she cheated. I'm surprised she came forward with the information that she was gang banged only to change the story so many times. Why come forward with it at all if you weren't going to be truthful about it in the first place? It's really got me speechless as to what her mind is thinking...It also has me very worried about you and where your mind is at. What do you want to do? Would you stay with her if you found out she actively participated in the GB? What is your bottom line? Can you forgive all this? That's the big question because at some point in time in order to be able to move on with her, you will have to forgive her. Does she even want forgiveness?

Is it possible she changed her story based on your reactions to it? Or is it more likely that she keeps changing her story because she has forgotten what she has said...Eventually lies catch up with you especially when someone tells so many. Has she ever given you an indication that she may have a compulsion to lie? Does she exaggerate stories on a normal basis? This is a tough one to decipher. I hope you book the poly ASAP. I don't know how long they take, but if it were me, and she was asking to take a poly, I would want it done immediately.

I hate to leave on this note, but what are the chances she keeps changing her story because she's trying to shock you into leaving...She feels she can't do it, but feels if she tells you enough awful things that you will leave her?