SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My fWH has already had three MLC, and he's only in his mid 30's.

And I'm not overstating. Full blown, complete life re-evaluations.

One was freshmen year of college, one when he was diagnosed with cancer, the last when the affair started.

I don't think I can live through another one.

That link is awesome.....

Some men who write cannot find their way out of betrayal because they perceive the repair process as insurmountable and just stay involved in their affair and eventually divorce, and remarry into a situation that they cannot be happy in. The divorce rate of these second marriages is twice as high as first marriages. Many of these men tell us that they still love their first wife but can’t tell her so or even begin to explain their mistakes.

My XWH had a MLC. He was 47 years old. We had (unexpectedly) become grandparents for the first time. Both our sons moved away from home within 3 months of each other, one to live with his girlfriend/mother of his baby and the other to go to college. XWH's company went bankrupt and he lost his job of 15 years. He started over in a brand new field. It was an office job; he had always worked outside before. He was LOST.

And I knew he was lost. I encouraged him to get some anti-depressants and tried to talk to him - support him - understand what he was going through.

But, after 26 years together, he became involved with a co-worker who was 11 years younger than him. He got to play the KISA. Whatever was "missing" in his life, he felt she could provide it.

He left me, asked for a D, and broke up our family.

Six months post-D his relationship crashed and burned. He just could not keep up the KISA - it was not who he really was.

He wanted to come back, but by that time I had begun to move on with my life. In the 6 years since then he has had 3 relationships - one other marriage that lasted less than a year - and still plays the lonely, sad, pitiful card when he gets the chance.

My life is better than it's ever been. I have a wonderful SO and am having some great adventures.

NL

[This message edited by Newlease at 1:50 PM, January 20th (Friday)]

Pippy and Newlease Thank you. Good links and stories. I appreciate both :)

I believe in MLC, but I don't think it's an excuse for XH's affair. OW was almost 40 when they met, XH was 40.

I don't think XH was in MLC, but I do think she was and when they met, he found her like new lease on life refreshing. She had moved into her own apt like a month after meeting XH (and she lived 250 miles away, it wasn't like it was for XH) I think her marriage was probably a lot worse off than ours and I think in a way, XH was 'seeing' our marriage as hers was.

I remember him telling me how lucky I was that I had traveled when I was younger and did things like go to a million concerts and stuff like that. I also found it really insulting that he felt he needed to do that NOW, with someone else, you know? I wasn't handed these trips by my parents - I ended up getting a F/T job after high and not college. I worked my ass off and saved for my cruise, trips to Bahamas and Mexico. I was also 22 and younger; I was single, I didn't have kids and a house and real life stuff. That's WHEN you do things like that.

Of course he had tons of fun with OW, they were dating, vacationing, gifting each other. He found her LOVE OF LIFE appealing, her free spirit thinking of "let's take a weekend away, just us". Hell yeah that's appealing, but it's also really unrealistic when you have kids or whatever. THEY were able to do it b/c the kids were fine at home with BS. And then of course the 'grumpy' spouse at home paled in comparison. So anyway, back on topic...

I think they sort MLC'd together; I'm not blaming her at all, he's a big boy, but I think he sorta adopted that mindset because I never saw signs before. He didn't get ink, he didn't start dressing young or different hair or whatever.

I am 40 now and I don't feel like I'm heading toward a MLC, but I get it - I think man, in 8 yrs, I'll have 2 kids in college - like where will I be? I'm not doing enough or something...I'm at the halfway point. I get that line of thinking, but it's never an excuse to treat another person poorly. It's selfish to like 'follow through', you know? I understand wanting to run away sometimes, but as a grown up, I know I can't. Affairs permit running away.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 6:57 PM, January 20th (Friday)]