SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just a quick update,

I've been out for a month now and things are getting better. I've had very little correspondence with the ex and she seems to text me when she needs things from me. A quick one here. So right after I bailed, i had a couple weddings to go to the following 2 weeks which I brought a date to. Earlier in the summer, I bought weddings gifts for these weddings, left them in our attic when I moved out, (it just slipped my mind). I asked thee ex the next week if she wouldn't mind bringing them to her work (we work 2 miles from each other) and I'd pick them up, she says, sure no problem. Week and a half goes by and everyday she says she forgot them "they're at the front door and i just forgot to bring them". Day of the first wedding she sends me a text saying "they're gone" i say what is? she says the presents. I said, you told me 2 days ago they were at the front door? she says, I lied.

So, a week later she sends me a text saying the electric bill was $800, so I know right there she's full of ****. Wants money from me. I tell her, well thats funny because that is now what i've spent on these wedding gifts, between the ones you lost and the new ones I have to pay for. I told her to stop bugging me about money because she screwed me over by not doing that one favor. I don't hear from her at all, luckily until yesterday saying: "can you please send me money? even just a $100 a week. ive picked up the tab on a lot of stuff. My credit card statements are full of eating out and drinking and **** we did together, not to mention the electric is so high because you were home all of June & july"

seriously? this girl still does not realize what she has done. I think, she still thinks we went our separate ways, where as, i left on my own accord. Is she entitled to anything from me besides jack and ****? I mean, she's got some nerve right, cheating on me, and made plans to continue to do so and now wants me to help her pay off her credit card debt from dinners we spent together? what do i write back to this crazy whore? or just completely ignore her?

none of the bills are in either of our names. we were living in her empty grandfathers house and paying all the utilities still under her family's name.

JAH6789

You have GF to decide if they are marriage material. YOU KNOW now.

You are a man of great quality and will be blessed with a quality woman when you see her.

You write back saying.

"You are no longer being loved by me."

JAH6789}}}

Your instincts are correct. On her requests for money your answer should be as follows...

*crickets*

Any answer can potentially be used against you if she decides to go so far as to take you to court (even if it would only be Small Claims). Do not acknowledge the issue of money and what you think you don't owe vs. what she thinks you do. Period. This is about covering your butt and not about changing her mind or setting the record straight. You split up with her. Now that the wedding present issue is done (since you never got them back) then you shouldn't anything else to talk about. NC = No New Hurts. Onward and upward...or at least away from the drama.

It depends on how you feel. Legally unless there is some sort of lease you signed obligating you to keep up payments you dont owe her anything. If she requests money tell her to ask the guy she was screwing to help her out. If your a stand up dude and want to do the right thing call her folks. Inform them that you have not lived there since whatever date and offer to pay half of what is owed up until then. Ask for copies of the bills and mail them a check. As for the CC balance same rings true. Its hard to estimate what was spent on your benefit on the balance. But if you want a clear conscience you can offer to pay half an agreed figure. But after that she is on her own.

That is what is called consequences for ones actions. Way too many WS like the comfort and stability that a relationship brings. But they also want to go and get their fun on the side at your expense. Well that shit just dont float in the real world. As your not M you have no obligation to her unless there are kids involved. And if you want to be a prick you can stiff her with everything. Personally I would not do that as I like to hold my head up high. I pay my own way and like to have the feeling that I did the right thing. But thats me. You decide whats right for you. Keep us posted Im interested in her reaction. I bet she is either gonna be pissed as hell. Or she is gonna play the poor me bullshit. Either way dont fall for it. She wanted to play. Now she must pay. If you think about it. Its an important lesson she needs to learn. Perhaps she will think twice the next time she feels entitled to cheat on someone. Its sort of a public service your doing.

seriously? this girl still does not realize what she has done.

The truly pathetic part of this is that is a typical part of the cheater's mindset. In her mind she probably thinks she did nothing wrong.

I think, she still thinks we went our separate ways, where as, i left on my own accord. Is she entitled to anything from me besides jack and ****?

Jack and *** are all I would give her.

I mean, she's got some nerve right, cheating on me, and made plans to continue to do so and now wants me to help her pay off her credit card debt from dinners we spent together?

It sounds like your relationship was breaking up prior to her cheating on you, and IF you could have separated amicably I'm sure you would have been more willing to help her out. She took that away with her actions.

what do i write back to this crazy whore? or just completely ignore her?

I'd be tempted to write back "let *road head* pay your bills", but I agree with Brandon808 let her hear crickets. She's going to twist anything you write into something else.

She already stole the wedding presents and you can bet she returned them for cash or sold them so there's your electricity payment baby.

If she decided to pay for dinner on her credit card that is her responsibility, you don't owe her shit.

Like stronger stated you are helping her learn a lesson. Divest yourself completely of this person and be glad you dodged a major bullet not being married to this woman.

If you give her any money you are never going to get rid of her.

I am going to disagree with some of the advice offered above.

You don’t have to teach her a lesson – you need to move on.

You have decided to end a relationship with a girlfriend.

There are no kids and no major financial commitments. It’s a plain, vanilla BF/GF living together break-up.

By saying this I am not in any way minimizing your pain. I know it’s real. But it definitely makes separating so much easier. The big issue is going to be who gets the Coldplay collection and who gets the AC/DC DVD.

Once you stop responding to her texts and messages then her communications to you will drop. So will any contact from her family. Three months from now contact will be more or less non-existent. Six months from now you will be feeling fine.

Sounds cold? Well – this is just fact. This isn’t your first GF is it? Well – how much contact do you have with your second last GF before this one? People separate and divorce to move on – not to live together.

So you don’t have to “teach her a lesson”. It’s not your job. It has no advantage to you.

You don’t have to explain to her family. It’s of no relevance. It’s not as if you “win” if you can out-good her.

What you need to do and what is relevant to you is to move on and heal.

To this end it might make sense to be financially fair.

If you lived there when the 800 utility bill was generated then it’s fair to pay 400.

If there was incurred or implied rent and you lived there then paying half of it for the time you stayed there is fair.

If there is any joint cost you incurred that she puts forth then it’s totally fair that you put your joint incurred cost.

Basically you should be able to calculate a final amount that is “fair” all things considered.

Then you write her a check, and send her a letter telling her that this is final payment. You could add that by cashing the check she is accepting this as final payment and that she is relinquishing any future financial claim. And then you simply don’t answer her calls, texts or messages. You tell her that to you she has no relevance any more.

And then you work on personal healing.

Thanks everyone, great advice from everyone. For now, she's going to hear crickets I've decided. Next time she texts me, asking for money. I will ask her to show me a copy of June and July's electric bill. Being it's so high, i bet she's at least 3-4 months behind and still wants me to split it with her. If she fails to show proof of the JULY bill, i'll continue with the crickets until she does so. I've also decided, she's not getting a nickel for "time spent" together, dinner, drinks etc. No one told her she had to do so instead of cooking a meal at home. I'll re post with her response. I guarantee you she never shows me a copy of the bill.

Bluewater and Stronger08 hit the nail on the head on the previous page.

Not married, no children, no financial ties, and red-handed evidence she is more than willing to betray you in the worst way.

Dude, don't waste one more day.

There are many many emotionally healthy and trustworthy women out there that won't treat you with that total lack of respect and compassion.

Latest update and I'm guessing the last. After giving her the crickets for a week she sends me one more text on Thursday, "I'm getting rid of the dog". I scramble for hours trying to find temporary housing for him and by the time I do. I text her back saying I've found a place for him, I'll be by to pick him up this week to which she replies. "I'm not getting rid of him. Waiting on your money. You didnt respond to my last text. Are you going to help me with the bills? I have an $800 electric bill im still paying off" to which I replied. scan and show me July's electric bill. I'll pay, I just want proof of the bill thats all. She said "fine" but of course I've never seen a picture of the bill to this day and it's been a month. I also asked her if she was going to reimburse me for the wedding gifts I had bought, she had lost. She actually said, go to the lenox factory by you and get another gift set. Like that's going to replace the money I've already lost on them? Here's where this girl made NO sense. Her last text was this which cracks me up. "and i just bought my ticket for Aruba (a destination wedding we were supposed to go to together) So I'm pretty sure me wedding expenses far outweigh yours." umm, you didn't buy me a ticket to Aruba, what the hell does that have anything to do with me or what were talking about? At this point I decide to let her see what she actually did and wrote. I emailed her the original corespondence she had on FB with him and her. I wrote "reread this and let me thhink what you are really entitled too" She emailed back 2 minutes later saying "BC i helped support you for the last 2 years when things got rough financially. Dinners, drinks. You can't honestly say you didn't see this happening. You had every chance." to which I replied. "again, that's a reason to break up with me. Not fool around with dudes in our hot tub, and behind my back, and you did this all willingly." to her last reply; "Ugh how many times do I have to tell you? I made out with him, that's it!! I know what I said on fb but that was a figure of speech. And i had been trying to get the message through to you for weeks at that point!" After that, I just started ignoring her as I knew this was going no where. But I had to laugh when I read it was a figure of speech? The next day, she texted me one last time saying "I really dont want to fight with you. I thought you still wanted to see the dog" an hour later "I dont want to think of the last 3 and a half years as a waste of time" an hour later "??", I never reposnded. She still has no idea where I live, lastly, she FB my current roomate saying "hey dude, wanted to see if you would like to get some drinks one night, if not I totally understand" Whe I say roomate, my buddys girlfriend, the 3 of us live together. My roomate didnt write her back nor plans do.

Not married, no kids, RUN LIKE HELL! Don't look back.

REALLY

BLOCK her on FB, put her email address in your SPAM filter, and add her phone number to your reject list on your cell.

BC i helped support you for the last 2 years when things got rough financially. Dinners, drinks.

Gee, I thought that's what people in a committed relationship did for each other. Helped each other out. Apparently it was conditional for her. Once she spent enough money then she...what? earned a "free pass" on cheating?

You can't honestly say you didn't see this happening. You had every chance.

Is this referring to the "decline" of the relationship or the burgeoning A? You nailed it...that was a reason to breakup and not a justification for cheating. Period. End of story.

p.s. Follow kchip's advice and block her. You need to detach completely. Trust us when we say you will never get any satisifactory answer or remorse out of her. She's arguing with you about money but then doesn't want to think of the last 3.5 years as a waste of time. She cheated so who cares whether she views the relationship as a waste of time.

Detach. Move on.

She's keeping the dog as a hostage? You should try to get it ASAP.

She's keeping the dog as a hostage? You should try to get it ASAP.

This.

This girl is definitely a couple fries short of a Happy Meal. I know you hurt, but be glad you have moved on. I promise it will get better and even more so when the communication stops.

Peace,

Lala