SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

^^There are some very wise words here. I hope you heed them one day. I have a feeling your WS will force your hand here one day anyway by reoffending. IMO he is not at all remorseful, its not even regret. It is indeed rugsweeping.

I rugswept furiously too friend - it doesn't work. We can't 'nice' them into being decent husbands. We can keep the peace on the surface but there's a raging torrent underneath.

You, like me, may need to learn this the hard way. Just protect yourself JM - prepare for the future just in case.

To be fair though that cheating is really terrible.

JM, all cheating is terrible hun. There are degrees of sneakiness, lying, gaslighting but at the end of the day its all terrible. His OTT reaction to your inappropriate friendship with the predator (being kissed against your will is not a PA, its assault) is about his attitude to women, not his views on monogamy and fidelity.

monsters reaction didn't bother me that it was about infidelity - what bothered me is that I'd never seen him react this way when a husband/boyfriend betrayed a wife/girlfriend. It bothered me then and this bothers you now. Ignoring it won't make it go away.

Your WH has defended his double standard here on SI right from the start, so it doesn't surprise me at all if he feels female cheating is somehow worse than male cheating.

It is concerning.

Unfortunately, I don't think your WS has changed in the sorts of real, substantive ways that are going to make your marriage work for the long-term. He's throwing you crumbs and trying to convince you it's a 7-course Cordon Bleu meal.

He's not in MC because he doesn't want to be held accountable for his actions, nor does he want to "cede" any "ground" to you. He wants his upper hand, his rules (which involve different rules for you and for him) and to not address his issues where he can be held accountable.

How does that work for you or for a healthy, long-term marriage?

I remember how so many of us tried to help him get a different perspective on his inappropriate interaction with female students. He was NOT going to "cede" that he might be "wrong." Remember?

As long as he has no humility or empathy or compassion for you as an equal partner in this marriage, you're going to be spinning in his almighty orbit forever.

Is that the marriage you want Jenna to emulate?

Cat

Having followed your threads, and the great advice you've been given, I'd like to add one more suggestion.

Continuing to bring children into this relationship may not be the wisest move on your part.

I believe as others on this thread that your WH is simply biding his time before he erupts again. One child was fine, now there will be two. Children are wonderful but please do not allow yourself to become "trapped" because you now feel like you have to stay because of "the kids".

I haven't brought it up separately and I'm not sure I will. We get along really well most of the time and I don't want to go searching for a fight. Its just a TV show at the end of the day.

How on earth do you define having what in most marriages would be a normal conversation as "searching for a fight"?

You're not upset about the TV show. You LIKE the TV show. You also have personal, moral beliefs about the behavior it portrays. The issue you're talking about here is your morals versus your WH's morals regarding fidelity and gender. The TV show is just the allegory you two used to launch the conversation. The moral differences between you and your WH are the reason you're upset - and I'd argue that "moral differences" are one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, issues a marriage can have.

In other words, you're mad because you know that your WH still doesn't think his affairs were wrong. He's glad he had them, and he'll probably have more because he wants to and because he's a man and believes he has every right to. And he likes how submissive his affairs have made you. He likes sitting next to you, his pregnant wife, and telling you how much he admires someone who fucks other women and kills people, and he enjoys seeing you keep your mouth shut in fear of his response, because it gives him power over you. That's why you're mad. Because he's put you in the position of not even being able to tell him how you feel, for fear he'll stop pretending to be nice.

In any case, you've agreed to stay with him until the baby is born, and you've drawn a few lines in the sand, most of which he's crossed and you've backed off of. The unspoken agreement at this point seems to be - you keep your mouth shut, and he'll play the part of a good husband, except he's still himself so he'll still let you know who's in control in small ways, all the time. Like during this TV show, and I'm guessing in many more 'small' ways.

I'm just wondering if you and your IC have come up with ways you'll be able to cope with this for the duration, especially if your hormones start peaking. It's stressful enough having to walk on eggshells and avoid what would usually be considered normal conversation, because you don't want him to get mad, without also having to control your natural urge to protect yourself and your children.