After she walked out of our last session with the MC I went back to see him on my own. I have only seen him once since then but I do plan on seeing him again even if she doesn't want to go. I guess it was sorta helpful to see him by myself, I did get out a lot of things that were on my mind, but I don't know if it really helped me to resolve any of my issues, it just let me vent. The other half of that problem is I have very limited funds on which to see someone other then the MC, I couldn't afford to do MC and IC so kinda stuck there.
And today really sucked, I have been searching for a new job for weeks and weeks, but the market is so dry right now, and since I have no college degree its hard to find something that will give me the same level of health care I get with my current job. Since my health care takes care of me my BS and our kids, I have been looking for something that is in the same field of work I currently do, and I have been on a few interviews but no one comes close to the health care I get now. Really feel stuck damned if I do damned if I don't.
My BS wants me to leave my current job ever since DD and I have been looking but like I said I feel trapped, can't afford not to have health care for my family, yet cannot find anything even close to what we get now. Every day I go to work I know it kills her but wtf can I do. If I wasn't looking at all I could understand but I look everyday and have just not been able to find anything. She acts as if I'm never going to leave when all I have been doing is trying to leave. How do I respond/react to that? God I wish I had never done any of this is so wasn't worth any of the shit we are going through now.
And to make matters worse, I was doing a little reading online, and the site I was on talked about divorce, separation, marriage, children, communication, and my BS just happened to come in while I was looking and all she saw was divorce and separation and now she thinks I no longer want to try and R which is not true, and I wasn't even looking at that section of the site I was reading about communication at the time. She stormed out of the room all upset and I tried to follow after to explain but she just spouted out a bunch of hateful things to me and wouldn't even let me try to explain. FML, what the hell did I do? Trust gone, marriage failing, R seems out of reach, Work not able to find another one fast enough. I am so down right now, nothing seems to be going my way at all, and I know I am to blame for most of it which sucks that much more 
[This message edited by fulloflies at 11:27 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]
