SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I will look for an IC. Thank you

Your WH sounds like mine. I did make him leave because he works with both ow. I am only strong when he is not here. My dd 16 told me that I let him victimize me. (Mouths of babes) That hit home. We had a very bad night last night and he blames me. I have decided until he comes around I will have NC. When he sees the kids I will stay away. When he blames me I go crazy.

You need to keep your contact minimal, do not engage, detach and get into IC. My IC is my salvation at this point. I wish you luck. I have been trying to do 180 but failed. I'm going to keep at it until I get it right. What my IC recommends is mindfulness. Keep your thoughts focused on you and not the present or the past.

Did you hire a pi.? I would love to Have proof.

[This message edited by eyesrnowopen at 10:03 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

No pi, he left a trail. You can learn alot from an iphone. You can see deleted emails in spotlight, see old text messages, see who he emails, ect. He never cleared his internet history so that helped. He used FB, where many times showed his location, I used phone records. Picture downloaded from phone to computer show date and time. iCloud shows old pictures that were deleted previously. Then his behavior, body language, and words did the rest. I didn't need anything that would legally stand up in court. I only needed to prove to myself I wasn't crazy. BTW its really easy to read deleted emails off of a computer. You just have to know where to look. And other person has to not know how to cover there ass.

Also, keep a diary. When he said something crazy, I wrote it down with date and time. I also did this when I saw him on the phone or when he dissappeared. Its not important at that moment. But later you can go back, build a timeline and see a pattern. When I finally saw the pattern, that was my big break, after that it was really easy to put it all together.

Okay, I'm back.

And I am VERY confused. I don't understand where I am at.

For the first 6 months I was inconsolable. Contant crying, most of the time violently.

Then suddently, Im not. He hugs me, and I wish I could pull away, I feel nothing. He tells me he really does love me, I dont believe him. We have sex, I feel no joy what so ever, its just sex (good sex, but its just sex). He kisses me, again nothing. He sent sweet text messages with hearts and love, and I want to vomit ( of course he sent the same kind of sweet messages while with OW).

How do I go from thinking I wont survive this, that the pain is too great. And now I am calm. I am focused. I now see him as a completely different person that doesnt have my best interest at heart. and when Im near him, I just hope he keeps his distance.

Have I grown numb? Have I fallen out of love?

Is it about it hit me full force again, and somehow my body decided to give me a break from the pain for a moment?

Has anyone went from total dispair, to feeling nothing?

I use to miss him so intensly, I dont anymore. I actually wish when he is away at work, that he forgets about me.

Of course I do still hug him and try to be nice. I dont want to hurt his feelings. But I just cant feel the slightest need to be near him, and when I am, there is just nothing.

Is this a phase? Or did my heart die?

I know I am responding w-a-y late to this... but if you see this...

I think he broke your heart.

Can it be repaired? I dunno. But I do know exactly how you feel. Exactly.

I only still have hope because of all of the positive reconciliation stories I read here.

You've been so strong through this. And, you've been put through so much. I hope you are doing better now.

so sorry for what you have been through.

my d-day was in December 2012 also.

mine used to say the same thing -- that I was over-reacting / drama queen

mine also never admitted to anything -- only what i had found out on my own

i left mine after i found out he broke no-contact during a false reconciliation

its been 2 months since i left and i never did confirm anything physical -- i had hurt so friggin' bad from just what i did know i think i'm glad i didn't

you reminded me of myself so much -- crying so so horribly and feeling crazy --- and your WS remind me of my WBF soooo much.... yelling at me and getting angry for me to bring it up....

as though it was ancient history -- yep, like it was beating a dead horse. He shoulda been kissing my ass! ---- Fuck him is right. Very abusive. Mine was. It took me leaving him AND cutting off contact with him to feel relief.

I see when you last posted you were saying you feel detached/numb. Please let us know how you're doing when you can.

Still numb. Very very calm. I dont know what to make about my feelings or lack of them. I am a very pasionate loud happy person, but lately I hardly talk. Its like my mind went empty. I no longer desire answers (he will just lie and minimize). I no longer feel a desire to try to reconnect emotionally. I feel nothing. Super super calm. No crying, no anger, but a very deep sadness I cant understand.

Everytime we talk about anything I feel he points the finger back at me. And he talks alot so I usually just get teary eyed, because I already know what Im in for. I cant explain to him where I am at emotionally, he is too defensive to listen to anything I would like to say and I no longer have the energy to try to get through to him.

I am a very sensitive emotional person, with probably too much heart, but we havent had one decent productive conversation since June 2012.

He want us to stay together, but my thinking is, if we cant ever talk about us and I can never talk how I feel, what kind of relationship is that.

He recently made a comment that he is tired of me going through his phone and he is thinking of getting a separate line. I didnt even care. Numb, thats what I call it. He is just not getting it.

Of course back in December when he apologized, he said he was sorry for hurting my feelings. WTF!! He openly told me that if I done this to him he would never forgive me and it would kill him, but he thinks I just got my feelings hurt. Which makes sense why he thinks I should just get over it. And who knows maybe I can. But what is the point if there is no emotional connection and we basically live like roommates that have sex?

I have been debating a seperation. I understand if I do that I am making a choice that doesnt just effect me, but my child and him as well. It is a very hard decision.

But I cant talk to him. The last time I tried talking about that he was very harsh and matter of fact. And he never let me really talk about why I was considering it.

I feel dead inside. I wonder if my heart is dying. I hate love songs, hate hearing about weddings, and cant stand hearing people be all lovey dovey with their partners.

He does do some nice things so I can see he just wants to move on and get back to a better normal than we had before. But I cant seem to get into it and I cant seem to reach out to him and show him affection.

I just wish I understood what this means for me. I just dont feel like me.

My whole world was loving him and trying to please him. But I feel no desire to do that now. It actually feels impossible to do.

Just wondering if anyone knows what Im in for next. Am I about to hit that anger stage? Just wondering if anyone else went from crazy emotional to deadly calm and emotionally controlled.

Like I said, I left mine -- so I don't know how much of what I'm going to say will help you in your situation because you are there with him...

but for what it's worth --

I went through the absolute hell and anguished crying like u describe and him not being cooperative... this sh*t with him 'being tired of you going thru his phone' mine was like that too --- and i ended up finding texts again

i went through the anguish -- then the numbness where I just began to avoid him (on the phone) because kinda like u it was always disappointing in the end (the conversation) -- I did felt that deep sadness tho calm --- and well -- there were a couple of weeks I'm sure I didn't even smile --- until I got the f*ck out the house and did things that I used to do before I was with him --

like u said my whole world was loving him and trying to please him. when he basically / essentially DESTROYED that --- I went back to the things that I used to do to show myself love and please myself... and found that yes I can smile and I feel hope for the future.

there is a roller coaster of emotions yes -- but I hope you are nearing a break-through

seriously -- his getting another phone? and you're not flipping?... I think he's already lost you even though you haven't left physically

perhaps you're prepping yourself mentally to do so? or in other ways.... weaning yourself off of him/the relationship... i think i totally did that because even after I left I didn't go cold turkey -- i kept in touch on the phone... until I stopped doing that because it was so unsatisfying

yeah - this all sucks so very much - to have what was our hopes and dreams and what meant our happiness taken from us

but we can hope and dream and smile again

(((Awake3012)))

[This message edited by haleyscomet at 1:34 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]