SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't agree with the *never* say anything negitive about the other parent.

Certainly, you don't want to go off with a litany of how horrible to other parent is.

But kid's know when your upset,when they don't know why, they will fill in the blanks with horrible imaginings. Or worse have your XWS fill them in.

I tell my daughter the truth, in age appropriate terms.

"I'm upset that dad lied to me about yesterday".

I make it clear, that our difficulties are not for her to stress about. But I will not lie to her, or make her believe untruths about our lives...

[This message edited by Safeguard at 9:33 AM, April 29th (Monday)]

My kids have never met OW, dont think son ever will, not on purpose anyway. He has seen his dad once in the last 16 months, no contact. Their relationship is over, dont see hope of R for son and WH. And its sad because son now has a son of his own who WH will probably never ever see

As for daughter, she wants nothing to do with OW, sent her a nasty message on FB when she saw a pic of WH and OW's son on OW's profile. It was a very nasty message

DD called for her dad one time and OW asked when she was going to come out for the weekend and DD said NEVER, another time OW called her sweetie and my DD got mad and said "dont ever call me that, and dont call here for my dad, call his cell" Unfortunately she didnt listen, she called every single time he came here for the night, but last few time, i turned the ringer off, or we didnt answer

I am very grateful my kids are older, and they can form their own opinions on their dad, they feel the way they do because they know what he is doing, i am not influencing them one bit, although OW told me I am turning them against him

Guess thats because she is believing his lies that we were broke up, instead of the truth. DD is not deaf or blind, she knew what was going on when he was here

Good luck

Well golly gosh and gee whiz.

I suggest you move at ONCE as you're clearly ruining your WS's life. Jeez, how unfair of you.

Now get packin' and improve this poor man's quality of life - got it?

Thank you.

PS - you're WS is a complete d-bag. Bless you and your little boy.

If you never knew she had a son, is it possible it was not the OW, but someone he might know casually from work and they did meet by accident?

I didn't know she had a son because I am only 2.5 weeks from d-day and I am still getting info. It was her, I know her name and my son said the same name....it's her.

If I didn't know you weren't me I'd think you were me! My stbx also brought his new woman around our 9 yr old. She went hiking with them and out to eat. Then she spent the night at my house. This all happened on the very first weekend after I filed for divorce after finding the evidence of his affair.

I know how you feel but try not to make a big deal of it in front of your son. I simply asked my son if the woman was nice & if they had a good time. I pretended to be happy and then I went and cried like a baby behind closed doors and angrily ranted to anyone who would listen.

Can you talk to your lawyer about limiting time with your son to supervised visitation only?

OMG -- this is horrible. I can't believe your WH had the nerve to introduce the "lady" to your DS. I would flip out. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I am meeting with an attorney this week to get all info regarding divorce. In my state I believe I can file for a divorce for common law marriage. My state got rid of it in 2005 but the law clearly states any common law relationships prior to are grandfathered in. I will take him for everything I can including lessing his visits. This should put a damper on his new life as he is now basically living with the OW after 2.5 weeks!!!!! What kind of woman is she?????

Yes Safeguard I agree with you about what to tell the kids. Although I have never lied to them they were very little when it happened and having extreme problems (too much to list here)

Even my attorney said to keep it light with the kids and don't make daddy look like father of the year but watch your emotions and outbursts about dad in front of them. And of course we tend to take it out on the WS in front of our kids (not with the spouse present)

But ya know what no one ever said I should respect the hoe and she knew everything about our marriage our kids and our new built family home (his hoe-worker) so any opportunity I get to bash her in front of my kids I do cause she is an evil one who has no remorse and thinks she did my WS a gift from god by saving him from me and his terrible marriage.

Well the part that I cannot handle is how she pretends to be "mommy" to my kids and has the little bday parties and etc etc so I have told her guess what I am part of this family it is not 4 people it is 5 I am right there with ya! Get use to it bitch and I also informed my WS the other day (our twins are 13 now)that when they get married she is NOT coming to their weddings with him and he said we will see and I said well the choice to our kids will be mom at the wedding or daddy's whore you choose and I can guarantee ya what they will say. He hung up on me He thinks I will be over it by then NOPE was married 19 wonderful years till she came along she will regret ever messing with this housewife...Oh that's right she already does just ask her. Her karma is coming I think he is already regreting his life choices I can hear the change in his voice & I haven't seen him but only 3 times in the last 3yrs can't toooo hard but one day when I am strong enough I know that deep apology will come I just know it. Then I will be the one saying come on in ya had dinner yet and when his phone is ringing I can say Oh just push ignore she can talk to ya later! I will play her game one back at her but of course I would never ever do to her what she did to me & our kids cause I could never go that low!

I have more morals than that.

@hailstormer:

Get use to it bitch and I also informed my WS the other day (our twins are 13 now)that when they get married she is NOT coming to their weddings with him and he said we will see and I said well the choice to our kids will be mom at the wedding or daddy's whore you choose and I can guarantee ya what they will say. He hung up on me He thinks I will be over it by then NOPE was married 19 wonderful years till she came along she will regret ever messing with this housewife...

I understand your hurt but would like to caution you against taking this particular moment to make a statement about your WS. Your daughter's wedding should be HER day to celebrate, not your day to make a point. Please don't put her in the position to make a choice between her dad and you. If he's with the OP now, and they're a couple, then you're kind of stuck dealing with it. It doesn't mean you have to talk to her, but it would be nice if your daughter didn't have to deal with the infidelity of your marriage on her wedding day.

I guess that's why they call ya Easy Does it huh but I think my daughter understands she has seen me cry soooo much the last 3 years and tell her in tears how much I love her Dad and miss him soooo terribly. I have not seen her dad more than 3 times in 3 years after being together 24/7 for 22 years.

She will understand cause she will not want to take the attention away from her wedding and she knows the 2 of us cannot be in the same room together myself and the OW not my WS ( when OW came to OUR HOUSE and looked me in the face and told me Well if you would have treated him better when he was here with you maybe he wouldn't be with me now...need I say what happened next) Her dad will come to his daughters wedding but I cannot handle sitting on the front row with them and then seeing them dance together at our daughters wedding.

That is something they should have thought about when they decided to go against our marriage and our family.

Sad consequences and I am sure I wuld not be the only one on this site to agree with that.

Won't be any friendship lost and now OW she laughs and tells me to get over it and move on and she knew me my kids and our whole story that's what makes it even worse she (from co-workers stories) has been pursuing my WS for years even my brother in law told me how she acted around him.

So I know her dad will be there but I cannot let her take over all of our childrens cherished memories cause she cannot maintain any morals (not her 1st company affair she destroyed her own marriage and family with another co-worker ohhh and guess what she is Head of HR for entire state)

She is a special girl how she ended up with my WS we don't know but every story is different and I was raised differently than that.

So my kids will probably beg their father to not bring her cause they know how delicate the story is

They had to live it they cried and had meltdowns too!

Thanks for the advice.

Your super ex-idiot will try to turn your son against you. It won't work. Children are very perceptive about what your motivations are. Your son is obviously smart enough to see that your WH was deceiving him with meeting the OW. He also knows his dad is trying to manipulate him. My XW got to my daughters early and convinced them for a day that while she was having an affair, she suggested that I had also had many affairs. The truth is that Cindy Crawford couldn't have gotten me to cheat on my XW, not because she was so special, but because that's who I am. As deceitful as my XW was, my children could tell very quickly who the skank was. Your son has already caught on. Protect him, your jackass of a WH won't be a good influence on him. Your son will grow up very protective of his mother. Love and prayers.

@hailstormer

I guess that's why they call ya Easy Does it huh

LOL, the name is one I picked because it's a phrase I use often when training people to train their dogs. I'm rather scrappy, for the most part, but I've watched my kids be torn apart with the actions of my ex forcing them to choose between him and me.

If your daughter can convince her dad to NOT bring the OW, that would obviously be the best thing for everyone. It would be even better if he chose that option on his own. Probably he won't do that though because he's already proven himself to be a stinking dick.

That being said, it's up to you how you handle the situation. I just know that my youngest daughter opted to not have a wedding at all with ANYONE present because she didn't want to exclude her dad or my oldest son (from a prior marriage). My ex (her dad) would not have gone to a wedding where my son was present, and I think it was a selfish position for my ex to take. He made the potential wedding day about himself and it should have been about her.

Infidelity sucks.

I really want to thank everyone for your replies. They truly helpe get through each day.

I'm really sorry.

I'm not sure if our DD has met OW yet. I suspect she has met some of "the family".

It's so hard to witness our kids on this journey with us. Their capacity to understand is so different than ours, even with things we are able to explain.

So many changes, so much at once, going on right under their roofs.

I'm sorry for your trouble. This is a little bit of what I deal with too, as we print our boarding passes on the road towards divorce.

It's almost like your WH is using your DS as a pawn or a tool to get to you and that makes me sad.

No one wins in affairs and no one is immune to being decieved when someone decides to embark on that queest. It's horrible and that was very sneaky.

That's really good to let the counselor know and I hope they will be some help.

Sometimes when I've mentioned to STBXH that I have "professional help" or "professional opinions" on various subjects that arise, he backs off. It's not something I enjoy doing, but if it gets him to back off then I will do what I can within reason.