First, see an atty, free consult.
In my state, A= 60/40 split on assets and they get 60% of the debt.
Nature girl is right about NOT having sex now, it will make it impossible for you to claim A perhaps.
Here's how it works in my state...I filed for divorce. The petition read homewrecked has been informed WH is in an affair and she believes this.
Then we had a primary hearing.
The judge granted "discovery". I was able to subpoena phone record and bank records. I prob could have sub more stuff, but 200 texts a day sent me into outpatient status at a "behavioral center",, where incidentally 5 other women were there for the same reason. well, one woman ran her husband over with her car first!!! LOl
Anyway, once I got those records, my atty called his atty,showed him what we had, and then my XWH settled with me and I got lots more than I thought I would bc of the texting records. I could have gotten a PI, but I had enough at this point.
So, moral of story, go to atty first. Please.
Stop talking to her. She is mentally ill.
I stayed in the shower LOTS at first to de-stress.
Please read the first 2 chapters of Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson. RIght off the bat he talks about how to handle your spouse if you've given into 3somes with your spouse just to try to keep them or for any other reason. Agreeing to have sex with your w and letting her be free to be with him is same thing. But, it's what many people here thought might keep their spouse.
Even if you sucked at being a husband, she could have filed for D, then got a boyfriend, just like a NORMAL person would have done.
She has been sick a long time. There is a "root"in her that is diseased and the "bloom" you are seeing is the "bloom" of her sickness. She was like this before you and will be like this after you.
HELL-- the OW in my story-her first husband KILLED the OM and himself. It didn't stop her-- she's doing the same thing with her current H and my H. Of coarse it's the "just a friend thing".
Keep posting here,,,we all feel your pain.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:39 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]