SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The only thing that my ex went totally and utterly berserk about was his superannuation. He stalled for two years, wouldnt give me any documents, no details of the balance, statements etc. That was the only "asset" of the marriage. His view was that he worked for it while I "sat" and home and looked after the three kids (who were 1, 5 and 7 at the time). In the end, I had to take him to Family Court as the twelve months divorce time was up.

By this stage he has told his pension fund in the UK (where we used to live) that he was disabled and got a cash payout, and again, no way was I getting my hands on it.

He swore up and down he needed it because he was disabled (which we still havent seen evidence of yet) and it had to last him for the rest of his life. He also needed it to take care of the kids when they were with him.

One session at the Family

Court put the fear of God into him, and he paid me a fair sum. However, by the time I paid legal fees, and paid all my debt off incurred in looking after the kids on my own for three years with no child support, staving off a bank trying to repossess my house (which he didnt pay any of the mortgage for) I had practically nothing.

However, I had no debt and could start with a clean slate, the house finally sold once I finished the renovations (yes, ladies, you can learn to sand and varnish floors and plaster walls) and no debt.

He had $50,000 which was gone in six months. A trip overseas, and new tv, new clothes, lots of socialising and all that money that he fought me for because I didnt deserve it was gone.

That still kills me.

AussieMum, I totally get your outrage. Just hang in there. You know that the courts are on your side and the law is on your side. He is just grandstanding. I always suspected my ex was a mysogynist arsehole, but his attitude towards my apparent lack of contribution to the family made his true colours very, very clear.

If he thinks you are greedy, just laugh. My XWW gave me the"it's my money" comment, but she still had to pay me. That was one of my favorite conversations with her.

Sometimes I write stories about our neighbors, who are a few years down the road of D than we are. They are going through similar things.

That ExH is lately wiggling money around and doing things like changing benefits and the people he had listed on them. What's interesting for me is he has the same lawyer as Perv, so it will be fun, when I am stronger, to watch.

Anyway...the reason it's semi-related to AussieMom's thread is because the latest scheme of this man is to change any of his life insurance he had managed to accrue over the years without damage by spending, but he didn't want EXW to know.

I am hoping this will get some smiles, because NL (Neighbor Lady) the EXW/BS told me that for some bizarre reason, return phone calls for him still go to their house...over two years after the divorce was all finished.

She said in some ways it angers her and she told him "I'm not your second mother anymore!" but in other ways it's not such a bad thing he's not organized (lol) because she can be made aware of his "activities" and then decide to tell him she knows or not. She is far more strong than me and has the most gynormous bitch boots I've ever known so she lets him have it, when things come up, but has been duped like we have and learned to rise up for her and her kids.

She said sometimes she will interfere and sometimes not, depending on her moods.

This started happening here, for some reason Perv's doctor's office still calls this number, so it was interesting that a call came there the day before mediation.

I find some of the neighbor's problems a little bit outrageous, but general give that woman a ton of credit. And I hope it's lessons for me and any of us in the same line of canoes.

She said she will sometimes opt out of forwarding the dr's office calls or "less serious" things and the life inurance she said she just forwarded to her L to ask his and be a little ...surprise.

And for some odd reason, Perv left all his papers at the house, so I had no real work to do to look up facts and figures...I think he thought I was just going to be a doormat/dunce? It was all there.

I'm amazed, even with all I know, that there are people in the world who can inflict this kind of life-altering damage on others, and expect or think that they will 1) get away with it and 2) not have to support the people they promised to support for the rest of their lives.

I've heard myself say to people at times, "A marriage is not the wedding. That's just a party. A marriage is for life. For some of us." I think sometimes people think of marriage that way and don't realize it's supposed to be what it really is?