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Sumrlady ( member #4355) posted at 9:03 AM on Saturday, May 25th, 2013
I don't know where you live, but since you are the only one working I assume that your salary is being used to pay the mortgage. In CA that would make it community property whether or not you are on the mortgage or the title. See a lawyer yesterday. You may be in a much better position than you think.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover-Mark Twain
Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 9:32 AM on Saturday, May 25th, 2013
Hi honey
I am so sorry you are here. I am also sorry that I have no new answers for you.
The reality is he is using you. You care for him and his children, work to pay the bills and he gets to screw the neighbour while you work. He is a complete arsehole. (I'm allowed to say that cause mine was too until dday).
You MUST stand up for yourself.
I always say to my kids to look at the worst case scenario when looking at options. Try this. What would be the worst result if:
(a) You cut off all money to him, put a padlock on the pantry and fridge and refused to speak to him about anything? I suspect he would either pull his head out of his arse or leave you and go live with her.
(b) Left him and the children. I suspect he would either beg you to stay or they would all move in with the whore. (Assuming she would have them??? Does the bitch work? I wonder how she would feel if she was saddled with a low life like him AND the kids.)
(c) You stamped your foot and said "Sell the house. We are moving far away. Get a job and do your share or I'm divorcing you and I'll take you to the cleaners for CS, so you'll lose the house anyway." Listen to Sumrlady - you may be in control anyway.
Whatever you do you need to make his life miserable. Do not let him enjoy cake eating.
Take control honey.
Finally, I will send you a pm with a little trick I learnt. It may help you.
Good luck and BIG HUGS
Laura
Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"
RedWheelBarrow ( member #38966) posted at 10:36 AM on Saturday, May 25th, 2013
(((sisu)))
I have some good investigative tricks, if you need more evidence for later.
I would listen to these guys. Their collective knowledge is priceless.
Sorry you're going through this.
Me: BW 50
Him:Peter Pan late 50's
DS: 13
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger
Divorced!
hopefulmother ( member #38790) posted at 7:32 PM on Saturday, May 25th, 2013
(((sisu)))
Gently...get out. He has no remorse. Continues contact. And you know he is sleeping with her. Most likely everyday you are not home.
If you need proof. Get a nanny cam and VAR.
You don't have any boundaries. When is enough enough?
Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
Heavy Sigh ( member #34243) posted at 1:53 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
So, are you going to wait for him to change - and that's NEVER going to happen - until you're taking your last breaths of life wondering why the hell you wasted your life on this user instead of being happy?
He sounds like one of those types who uses his wife's chemotherapy or surgery to have screw time with the other woman, so if you're afraid to leave fearing someone won't be there to take care of you when you're sick and old, he isn't going to do it anyway. And if you're hoping he will grow a heart around those stents, and actually begin to care for you, it isn't going to happen. He's using you for the money you make.
He's a cruel one, isn't he? Even having a death scare himself didn't change his morals and values and make him a better person. So it isn't going to happen, ever.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 7:56 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)]
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 2:13 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
1. Divorce
2. Move on alone and make a better life for YOU and YOUR kids.
I am sorry but this POS sounds like he will never change. If he is THAT desparate to be with her, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. The only time he will change is mind is when reality hits and he realizes that he lost you over this woman. -and that won't be until YOU ARE GONE.
Heal, take care of yourself and your kids.
I am sorry.
ETA
"And if you're hoping he will grow a heart around those stents" OMG I am sorry but that is hilarious!!! 
[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 10:48 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)]
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
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