SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

it's left me feeling like I'm some sort of NB pretender or fraud.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel like I've been here long enough and that I've healed, and can give decent advice to others, and BAM! I get hit with my own issues right smack in the face....

Constant stress can do a number on us. I've had it also and it is making me ill. We need to figure out how to live with this, right? Because I don't see the stress going away any time soon. Financial is big with me also. I really thought by the time I hit this age I would be comfortable and have a good job and not have to work so hard any more. Sucks.

Avoidance is nice, but it doesn't work to get us closer to what we are needing to do. You took some great steps here though! Good for you!

We think you are fabulous.

Yes we do.

I really thought by the time I hit this age I would be comfortable and have a good job and not have to work so hard any more. Sucks.

Yep NA, I think that's part of it too. Not that I mind working hard. It's just that I thought whatever I earned at this stage of my life would be "extra" and not what I had to survive off of. And then on top of it, I feel like I'm spoiled and ungrateful for whining about it, because I know I know I came out of my divorce better than a lot of people came out of theirs.

and HUM, I think you're onto something about the introversion. I started thinking back to when I worked in the pre-kid days, and I'm seeing I've fallen back into some of the same patterns. Being around so many people at work is about all my introverted person can take, so I tend to hibernate after work and on the weekends to recharge. But in doing so, I'm severely limiting myself to only being around people (at work) who stress me out, and I'm not getting any of the fun, non-stressed time with people I truly want to be around. Well, other than my SO and my kids.

and at the same time, being in my house is depressing as hell.

and yes, I'm whining again. the week at work was unpleasant, to say the least. I was trying to cram 6 1/2 days worth of work into 4 days, and it didn't happen. Monday's gonna be a bitch, and I'm already not looking forward to going back to that place.

Tonight I'm sitting home, drinking some wine, taking some time to unwind. Tomorrow I'll start looking at the job alerts again, though. After I get a few small cleaning projects done.

Tonight I'm sitting home, drinking some wine, taking some time to unwind.

Me too ! Wine and a beautiful view. I had a hellva week too. Had to do a couple all nighters and I'm too old for that other than if it's play and not work.

Gma

I'm just gonna keep my whines in one place for a while...

so how is it I can look so together from the outside, to other people? I don't feel like I have it together anymore, and when people (my siblings in particular) think I do, it makes me feel even more like a fraud.

Is it a case of them seeing something I'm not, or them not seeing the reality because they love me? Or, am I too adept at hiding the reality from people, and letting them believe everything is okay, when it's not?

And while I'm whining - about that job I've been trying to get where my sister works, turns out they've filled the positions every time I've applied, and even though my sister has highly recommended me I haven't even gotten an interview. One of the other woman at her office more than suggested that it's due to my age. Apparently all the people they've hired for the position have been under 30. Oh, and then leave after 6 months or so, which is why the position keeps getting listed again and again. sigh...

okay, caffeine is kicking in. I need to stop whining and go pick a project to work on today.

I love y'all, btw. It's a wonderful thing to have such a safe place to go to to be vulnerable.

I'm kind of late to the party...have been away from SI for awhile so I'm glad you are whining again inconnu so I could respond.

so how is it I can look so together from the outside, to other people? I don't feel like I have it together anymore, and when people (my siblings in particular) think I do, it makes me feel even more like a fraud.

This happens to me too. I think it is my habit to be all "I'm okay, don't worry about me". I've done it since I was a kid. It takes me lots of time and feeling up to my ass in alligators before I'll fess up and be honest with people and ask for help.

I think that it may be that I lack drama that makes others think I am okay. Other people may ask sooner, or bitch or complain more and therefore others know that they don't have it all together, while I'll just trudge on, as if I'm okay when I'm really shaking and scared and insecure on the inside.

Several years ago, my sister volunteered to help me take my daughter to a surgery appointment. I had planned on taking my daughter by myself, and wasn't going to ask for help, but when my sister volunteered...I started crying I was so grateful. Somewhere I had learned that I couldn't "ask" but if people would offer I could accept it. After that situation, I started working at asking for what I need from people. I'm still lousy at it, (so much easier to be the helper) but I try.

I don't think you are a fraud...maybe a good pretender though...like I was....

You are strong even when you are vulnerable...maybe stronger. (Check out some of Dr. Brene Brown's research about vulnerability--it is really good stuff)

Good luck on the job search! You don't look a day over 30 sistah!

It takes me lots of time and feeling up to my ass in alligators before I'll fess up and be honest with people and ask for help.

I am so going to remember that "up to my ass in alligators" phrase.

I've got several of Brene Brown's books. I suppose it's time to re-read them again.