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Eh, I'm none too pleased with myself. I get a signal that I actually notice, and I sit on my hands.

Hear me now, believe me later: if this ever happens again, I will act. Might have just missed my "once in a lifetime."

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 1:14 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]

We aren't reprimanding you, OIAL. We are trying to help you see yourself as someone who is able to approach women with confidence and say "hi".

Hey! Celebrate the signal and let go of the "failure to act."

I'm always flattered if someone approaches me...even if I have no interest, I'm still flattered. Seriously, even if I say "no thanks" it makes my day!

Do not worry about offending her...or the next woman...or the one after that...

You noticed the signal! That's progress, OIAL.

I'm always flattered if someone approaches me...even if I have no interest, I'm still flattered

This is where I have to suspend my disbelief. Guess I've seen too many movie scenes with annoyed rejections, or read too many posts here about unwanted advances (admittedly, I wouldn't have walked up to her and asked to exchange pics of our junk).

We are trying to help you see yourself as someone who is able to approach women with confidence and say "hi"

I totally get that. That's why, like the ultimate wus, I was posting on SI instead of actually talking to her. Trying to get up the nerve.

I admire the men who have no fear, who can just approach women they never met and start making conversation. Here's how it would have gone with me:

"Hey, I see you're a WiFi bum like me."

"Oh, yeah, I like to get out of the house."

"Yeah, me too... Ok, bye."

"Hey, I see you're a WiFi bum like me."

"Oh, yeah, I like to get out of the house."

"Yeah, me too... Ok, bye."

Next line: "What are you working on?"

I admire the men who have no fear, who can just approach women they never met and start making conversation.

1)everybody has fear even pretty women, even confident men 2)women like humble men too

"Hey, I see you're a WiFi bum like me."

"Oh, yeah, I like to get out of the house."

"Yeah, me too... Ok, bye."

This is not a bad thing!!

If this is the extent of the conversation, then you know she's not interested. And then YOU know that you took a shot and can hold your head high that you took a shot, AND you know that she is, in fact, not interest. No sweat off your back and you can move on.

It is not easy to approach a complete stranger and start a conversation. If she's at all interested, she will ask you a question. And then you can go from there.

If you're really stuck for conversational pieces, talk about your kids and what they're doing. (Most) Women love kids.

If you get the "Oh, that's nice. Are you married?" response, then you know you're in!

I agree I'm flattered if someone approaches me, as long as they don't try and lick my ear or whisper words of seduction

Maybe try and think of women you want to approach as people you'd like to meet, rather than females you want to hook up with. You know how they say imagine people without clothes on to feel more confident? Perhaps imagine women as just people not the opposite sex... does that even make sense

I read on another forum men were saying to talk to women in general for practice. Like at the supermarket if you are both looking at apples comment on the price or quality, doesn't have to be a woman you find attractive just get used to talking to strangers who are female.

I'd say if you approach a lady omit the word 'bum' from your opening line....

Once you get going you are going to have a lot of fun,I chat to people all the time makes for a life so much connected, it's a good habit to get into.

This is where I have to suspend my disbelief. Guess I've seen too many movie scenes with annoyed rejections, or read too many posts here about unwanted advances (admittedly, I wouldn't have walked up to her and asked to exchange pics of our junk).

What you read about/seen is annoyance that comes when a woman refuses politely and the guy keeps on going. You get that right? When women complain about guys hitting on them, they are talking about the guys who keep going even though you've nicely/politely said "no". I'm never rude when a guy approaches me/flirts with me initially. But when I decline, indicate I want my private space back and he keeps trying? Then you get the annoyance and rudeness.

cayc is right.

Hitting on me is OK...it IS flattering, even if it is from someone you have no interest in. But, you need to stop at the first "no".

Also...don't follow me around in Lowes. I had a guy do that, really creepy. Leering. I usually have a ring on one of my fingers, and I will flip it over and move it to my left hand ring finger so guys think it is a wedding band... if I'm getting bad vibes.

If I'm not interested in a man, I usually simply say, "Thanks...but I have a boyfriend..."

If she glanced at you several times, she is either interested in you, OR trying to place you. I will look at a man a few times if I'm trying to place where I know him from. Either case...she noticed you!

Did you go look at missed connections on Craigslist just in case? Or would you post there? I have heard that occasionally works....

Never heard of "missed connections." Just took a look, and the first thing I saw was "To the guy pissing outside of his van..."

I couldn't resist, so clicked the link. She was impressed at what a bold move that was.

Man, I've been going about this all wrong, haven't I?

MyVoice, I really like the advice about treating the encounter as with someone I want to meet, rather than hook up with. Takes the pressure off. Actually, that's the way I've treated first dates with OLD, and they've gone well (it's the latter dates where I lose 'em).

Also, good to know that women aren't generally put off by advances from strange men. I think if I actually ever got up the courage to make such an advance, it would be hugely beneficial to my psyche, even if she tells me to get lost.

You womenz understand how difficult it is to approach a total stranger, don't you? We guys really have to suck it up.

I can't believe you passed up the chance to use, "Fancy meeting you here!"

I can't believe you passed up the chance to use, "Fancy meeting you here!"

Them's stalker words.

I agree with the idea that you practice on strangers in general. Take the pressure off and get comfortable with starting conversations with the available context.

I saw a woman staring at me in the parking lot of the local market. Since I teach and meet parents, other educators, and live in a fairly small community, I don't know if it is trying to place HOW they might know me or what. So I gave a friendly "hi how are you?" and a warm smile. What I got back was an apology for staring but an enthusiastic compliment about how pretty my hair was and the assurance that it was not intended rudeness. She was flustered to be caught staring, I laughed and thanked her for the compliment. We chatted going into the store and both felt "good" for the exchange.

You can do this. Start with your bank teller, the line at the grocery store. Anyone. Practice being that person everyone says "never met a stranger."

Just to make you feel...better? Here's something that struck me as very funny tonight:

"I read somewhere that men's biggest fear is that women will laugh at them. And women's biggest fear is that men will kill them. Kind of different stakes that we're working with." Chelsea Perretti

Oh, Sad that is soooo true! and funny!!

OIAL, please do not start pissing on vans! LOL!!!

I reckon you need to keep practicing the smiley, eye contact thing for a while. I suggest you do it with everyone. Get comfortable in your own skin and ease yourself into the fray.

I love having random chats with all sorts of people. I am approached a lot - not because I'm attractive (I'm kinda funny looking but I like myself a lot, inside and out) but because I'm ...approachable?

I love people watching - I find them fascinating for some reason.

This quirk means I'm terrible at eye contact. I've been practicing but it just feels weird. I'm awesome at the saucy eye contact but I've been trying to practice the non-saucy version.

Don't beat yourself up friend - practice eye contact and chit chat with everyone (men, women, young, old). It takes the pressure off. In time it will feel natural.

First off, let me say I'm not shy...

OIAL... Do you fly for business?

If you do you're around tons of people in airports and on airplanes that are complete strangers... I love it...

From the ticket counters where I'm checking a bag to the flight attendents and people sitting next to me on the planes... I love making eye contact, saying hi and being a pleasant very small part of the strangers day...

Even a busy TSA agent is generally pleasantly surprised when I greet them with a smile and a "how's your day so far?"

If you can make a TSA agent smile and acknowledge your pleasantness anyone else is a piece of cake...

WB