SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tell him you will once he "unfucks" her.

So simple, yet brilliant!!!! ^^^^^^^^^^

Almost two years out and I am really still waiting for an apology from the whore, since she works where I work. I don't ever expect to get one. So I continue to plot evil retribution ideas in my head. Not sure if it's healthy or not but it's better than going to jail. I think I will always hate her. I figure her Karma will get her one day and I'm very patient, I do make a point to rag out on her personal behavior (constant texting at work, making stupid decisions, etc.) to get her in trouble with her boss. Eventually I think they will see what a liar and a manipulative bitch she really is.

He isn't so much defending as saying my rage at her detracts from my anger t him. He thinks that me going into rants about how much I hate her is my deflecting from how much I hate him. And it is to an extent. And I guess its also selfish of him as he finds discussion of her difficult as hes ashamed.

I think you're starting to get at it, with what you wrote above.

Try reversing the situation in your mind. In this scenario, you cheated on your H with his good friend. Now, post A, your husband is seething mad at his good friend and continues to be this way. Wouldn't you feel like, geez, if he's that mad at his friend and hates him that much, how much must he hate me? I'm the one that betrayed him the most. I was married to him! In this scenario, if your husband came to you and said, ok, I'm done with my x friend, it's you and I that now need to heal and grow,mean you see how that would make more sense, possibly?

I haven't experienced a double betrayal. I can't imagine how horrible that would feel. I'm sorry you're struggling with your feelings toward your x friend. But, I'm of the opinion that your H's betrayal is much, much worse. From what you wrote in your post, it seems like you might be minimizing your feelings toward your H and maximizing your feelings toward your x friend. If that's true, reversing your focus may help.

Best to you.

NMAI

I grew up with OW #2, we weren't friends as teens though just as kids. I hate to say but I have always felt more superior to her and when I had to talk to her on the phone and did not engage in an argument it made me feel even more superior lol. She did apologize but had to nerve to tell me SHE is hurting because she fell in love (yeah one month of texts and a ONS is true love) which made me want to scream.

I have found myself directing more anger toward WS now that she appears to finally be gone. I do not trust her though and am thankful we live far away but it makes me afraid to ever go home to visit.

I don't think anything about the first OW. She was someone I never knew beforehand and has been gone for 5 years now almost as if she never existed and I like it that way.

[This message edited by PrincessPeach06 at 12:13 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

You are definitely not alone.

My H also defended OW. He said, direct your anger at me she did NOTHING wrong. The defending her part is what really sickened me. Yeah, she is a real saint. Talking about both of them leaving their families to be together, saying she wishes her children were actually his, and not her husband's. I still HATE her.

Part of the reason I cannot get over her is that she had no consequences. She seems to be able to go back to her life without a care in the world?

Did you get to confront her at all?? sounds like so many of us on here did not. That adds so much to our inability to get any closure. So we resort to obsessing over the OP.

Big hug. Yours sounds like a double whammy, with it being a "friend" of your's. Nothing easy about that. I am so sorry.

The best way to get over the OW is behind the wheel of a large Humvee.

The best way to get over the OW is behind the wheel of a large Humvee.

I concur!! Until then, I will post happy pictures for her to look at.