SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What are you deriving from this arrangement?

You are struggling right now to find something to hold on to so I am only going to ask you to read my profile. I have lived with the threats of violence, of being killed until he almost acted on it. I thought he was kidding, I thought he would never harm me....he showed me I was wrong.

I was terrified to leave because I wasn't sure I could make it on my own. I can. I didn't want to leave my marriage because I loved him. But my marriage was dead, killed by a lying cheating manipulative narcissist. I walked on eggshelz for 12 years and was willing to keep doing it to stay married but at times at dreamed about being with someone who didn't punish me when he was mad.

Sometimes walking away is the only thing we can do so save our lives. You have spent so many years being terrorized that you really don't know different anymore. Let me tell you that a new and better life is out there for you no matter your age or health or what have you. You need to find your inner strength, your power, your desire for peace. Life alone may be lonely but I have never been as lonely as I was while I was married to my xwh. You will find that you like being alone because coming home is peaceful, you wake up without someone's crap to deal with, no one threatens you, you do what YOU want when YOU want and how YOU want. There is peace beyond this marriage.

I know you're afraid but you can do it on your own. What is going to happen when you get older and frail? What will he do to you then? What will he hold against you then? Or will he leave you to suffer alone? Do not give him the right to destroy you, you are better than him and you can walk away to a life of peace. Please feel free to pm me if you want to chat. Hugs to you.

When he said that he was going to hold the polygraph against you, why didn't you just respond" :" the same goes for you when it comes to the affair. " Then you should have walked away.

This is not a good man. I hope you find the courage to leave him... hopefully this will wake him up but somehow I doubt it.

Do the 180 like the other poster advised you to. The 180 will give you the eto finally break ties with him.

Good luck to you.

I am sending you many hugs LBTS. You could be me and I could be you. When I read your post, I could feel your pain and sadness. I understand how you are feeling - I, too, had lived with a manipulative (covert) man for over 25 years. When I got away from him, I initially felt that no longer living was my only option as I had relinquished everything I was to him and his manipulation. There was little to nothing he said or did that was not designed to control, manipulate and in some way make me feel less than. Only you can stop him from hurting you LBTS. He will not stop on his own - it will never stop unless you stop it. It is not easy. It is painful, it is scary. But, trust me on this, it is better to work through the pain and free yourself from him, than to live the rest of your life in the pain to which he will continue to subject you. Please get into IC. You may need to go twice a week initially. It will help you to work through the pain. I am still struggling, but I am so much better than I was. You are stronger than you know. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve better than this. You deserve everything good, but you will never get it from him.

lbts,

Big hugs to you, girl....

The deal breaker between staying and leaving is this:

Has he apologized and acknowledged the depth of what he's done to you?

Has he taken any steps toward truly reconciling with you?

I'm gonna say the answer to both of those questions is NO!

Therefore, either tell him to get out or you go. This doesn't have to mean divorce. It means that you mean business!!! His reaction to that will tell you if it means divorce or not.

Do the right thing, honey.