SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I understand what you're saying...Im just a little jaded,I suppose. Im almost 3 years out..and have a WH who denies things,even though I know what I saw with my own eyes in those emails..and he has lied to me so much I've started to doubt myself..even though I know what I saw.

This crap makes you crazy.

He deleted everything because there is more in those emails that he didn't want you to figure out. I agree with Confused...get those emails.

WH has found a group of men from our church that are going to work with him to help him figure out why he's such an ass, basically.

I'm sorry, but unless they are professional counselors who specialize in infidelity, I don't believe this will do any good.

confused615 - Sorry to hear that! There is a perfectly good chance that WH is completely lying to me about everything and he's going to turn around and do it all again. However, I know without a doubt (and so does he) that if that is the case, he can count his family as gone. I will expose him to his family and all of our friends for the lying, deceitful creep he is, and he can just see if the grass is greener then!

Your WH has lied to you and, it appears, done it twice more .... he knows you won't leave him, so what's the reason for him to stop? There's a reason he does this and, until you demand that he figures that out, he's going to keep doing it. It's like dealing with a child, you have to set your limits and enforce them, or they will keep pushing the boundaries.

lieshurt - I found enough - I don't need anymore. He didn't just cheat, he went well beyond that. He completely annihilated my trust and I'm not sure any additional emails I would find would change where we are right now. The deleting of the emails is a topic to be explored down the road.

As far as the counseling .... my husband is a pro at snowing counselors. He's done it countless times in the past. This is the first group of people that he hasn't been able to do that with. They have all been through their own issues and have come out on the other side better men. Some lost their families, some did not. I am a believer in God & Jesus and WH has only ever pretended to be. God has gotten me through some of the toughest trials in my life and I fully expect to lean on God through this one as well. The power of God can do amazing things :)

However, I know without a doubt (and so does he) that if that is the case, he can count his family as gone. I will expose him to his family and all of our friends for the lying, deceitful creep he is, and he can just see if the grass is greener then!

Careful coco, you have no idea how many BS's have said this (as emphatically as you are) and did not do it. Confused615 has been here for a while and you really don't know about anything she has done or not done, so you really can't lecture her on what she should have done.

You seem to have this vision of total control in this situation, but that's a facade right now. You haven't dealt with the rollercoaster of emotions yet. Trust me, when you do it's going to hit you like a mack truck. Step back and listen to what people are saying. You really will learn something here.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 12:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

If I were in a position to leave..I would leave today. I am working on an exit plan..my WH is a member here..so on the off chance that he reads my posts,I don't always post everything I am feeling,thinking,or doing.

I have set boundaries..and consequences..after the bomb he dropped another bomb on me last Friday..there is no doubt in his mind that if he lies to me one more time,I will out him to every body..and when I say "out him" I mean more than just tell them he cheated.

I have been through Hell the last 3 years..maybe you think Im a hypocrite because I post in the JFO section telling new members what they need to do and what they need to get from their WH. Maybe you're right. I have a different POV though. I am able to give this advice because I know exactly what is needed for a healthy R..because Im not getting it. I know exactly how it feels to NOT get transparency and honesty. I also know how false R eats at your soul...so Im trying to save other people from ending up where I am.

You seem to have everything tied up in a neat little package,though,so I'll bow out of your threads. You believe your WH is telling you the truth and God is going to change your WH.

Good luck.

lieshurt - I'm not lecturing anyone.

I don't expect this to be any less than a roller coaster ride. I don't think I ever stated otherwise. In fact, it's because I know it will be a roller coaster ride that I won't make any permanent decisions anytime soon. However I can set expectations as to what I expect from him and what I need from him.

I'm not at all in control and I'm sure I won't prove to be nearly as strong as I want to be.

My point for the comment was that just because I believe what he's saying at this point, doesn't mean I have my head in the sand. It means I believe him at this very second. I guess I could have been a bit more specific, just didn't feel I would have defend myself on here. I'm 3 days in to this mess and, although I probably can't see my situation straight, it doesn't mean I can't try to offer advice to others as an outsider seeing in.

confused615 - I didn't mean to offend you - just offering an outside perspective.

As far as my situation goes, I don't KNOW anything. I never said I did. I also never said God was going to save my WH. My WH has free will, and so he's only going to change if he wants to change. I believe his best chance is through a faith in God.

As it appears, I can't have an opinion, or have thoughts or feelings, or believe in God and get support on this forum, I'm just going to sign off and be done. Thanks for the help and support.