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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:56 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
First, this is not about anything you have or have not done. It's a manifestation of a problem your H has.
Second, is your H in IC? If not, he really ought to start. If he is in IC, insist that he let you talk with his IC to make sure he's dealing wit his issues and has a goal of R.
I know you feel as if you have to start over, and in some areas you do have to start over, but you have a lot of resources now that you didn't have on your first D-Day. The shock will wear off, and you will heal.
(((forgivingnow)))
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
forgivingnow (original poster member #33549) posted at 9:21 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Thank you for reminding me that this is not about anything I have done or not done. We have been having some wonderful times together and I love him so much. I am preparing myself that there may be more....we are going to a new counselor tomorrow. I am scared.
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 9:37 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
I'm so sorry sweetie. I highly recommend NO unprotected sex with this man, and STD testing immediately.
I know you do not want your marriage to be over, but the reality is that it may well be.
He has shown you who he really is. Believe him.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
forgivingnow (original poster member #33549) posted at 2:23 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
I am not giving up on my marriage. The psychologist we went to yesterday was wonderful. She discussed possible SA and digging deep and getting to the why. As I process all this pain with the new information I have, I am very hopeful for my future. My husband said this is "his" problem, not a marriage problem.
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
njgal480 ( member #24938) posted at 4:31 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
A friend of mine went through something like this with her WH.
After the second d-day she insisted on his going to a SA meeting.
He was concerned about how the meeting would go-what kind of people would be there, what it would do to his reputation etc.
But, he found that all the men at the meeting were just like him-married, business people,regular people etc.
And most importantly, she has said over and over that the SA meetings were what saved her marriage.
Her husband now leads the meetings and she says he has become a much more thoughtful, open person-willing to discuss his feelings etc.
Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.
forgivingnow (original poster member #33549) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013
njgal480
Thank you very much for sharing this.
sisoon
He is now in IC. We are both going to do MC & IC with this new psychologist, she was great, I felt so positive & hopeful after we left her office yesterday. My H goes back later this week & I'm going next week.You are right that I have so many resources now that I did not have on my first dday. Thanks SI !! And I am so much stronger.
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
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