SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Cliffside,

I have asked my BH a few times if he would like me to quit my job, and if that would help. His response every time has been no....also he added that he would worry if I had a new job I would have "fresh meat". He said he prefers I stay where I am cuz he knows the center and knows knows who is there, and also he thinks it's best for our daughter.

Wifehad 5,

My boss doesn't know what happened but two coworkers do.

Heartbroken,

Thank you for sharing your story. my goal is to get to the indifferent place when I see my AP, and I am almost there.

And the reasons you said you were afraid are the same reasons I am. I work at a fantastic place with awesome people and enjoy my job. With every thing else going on in my life right now I don't think I can handle any more changes

I still work with my AP. Although I am on mat leave right now so I think that is helping my husband and I with our healing process.

When I go back to work I will be working with him again. We don't work directly together, we do totally different things and don't see each other that often.

It wouldn't be financially feasible for me to quit my job right now as much as I would love to. I am looking at going back to school so that when I do go back to work, I won't have to work nearly as much and will be working towards getting away from that place. So I am looking forward to that.

But it is a difficult thing to still be working with him. My husband has told me that I eventually need to find a new job and I already told him I would.

I have gone NC with him as well. But still seeing him is bothersome.

You may have gone NC with your AP, but your spouse may not feel safe with you going to that job every day and still being able to see your AP. I know that it is hard on my husband.

Whenever I see my AP though, or the times that I have had to interact with him for work purposes, I tell my husband as soon as it happens. It makes my husband feel a little bit better and puts a tiny bit of trust back into the relationship.

So maybe whenever you have to have any kind of interaction with your AP, tell your spouse about it. Don't hold anything back.

I think the most important thing you can do is whatever your BH wants you to do.

If he wants you to stay in that job, then stay, but do all you can to stay away from the FOM and his BW.

I would also do maybe a monthly check in with your BH: "Are you still ok with me at my job?"

Honestly though, it wouldn't hurt for you to look for new employment----you don't have to accept any offers, but you can have your eyes open for new job opportunites.

For me, the truth is, if someone wants to change they may do regardless, even if the AP is in the office and if someone doesn't, they;\'ll still continue their affair even when they find a new job and find new ways maybe with someone new.

So it is more imp. to make sure whether you are decided from within.

Ofcourse, pushing AP completely out of sight is really geat help but just think, removing external temptation is of no use unless you fight it internally. where there is a will, there is a way. Temptation may come in form of any other woman in another office so change from within.