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Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

New Beginnings :
When to give up?

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Itsajungle ( new member #39812) posted at 12:57 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

Maybe I'm cynical, but totally agree with AMA and Tabitha.

She wants you to do the dirty work of breaking up. Then she won't feel 'guilty.' And you both get to think she's a good person.

I think she's manipulative....maybe not consciously....you're such a good guy she may think she doesn't deserve you because she knows in her heart she's just not feelin it.

Quit beating yourself up.

And think about if 'she's just not that into you.'

posts: 4   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2013
id 6419730
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 1:05 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

My friend married a guy like this. Year after year she tried to prove to him how much she loved him and how awesome he was....

It's too much work. She had to divorce him because HE began to bring HER and her daughter down.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6419745
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 9.10.11 (original poster member #36336) posted at 3:07 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

I talked to her. Told her to cut the bulls---. Asked her if she wanted to be with me or not. Told me one problem was that my xww was still in same town.(small town) She is uncomfortable around her when the kids have things up and she is there also.

yada yada yada, told her we need a break. Told her to decide if she wants to be with me or not. We can still be friends, no hard feelings.

I think I'm gonna just cut this off now or else we will be back here again. Gonna sleep on it.

A sad thing is....I'm not that hurt. I love her, miss her, want to be with her. Afraid I might have a cold, careless heart.

posts: 185   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2012
id 6421853
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tabitha95 ( member #22033) posted at 7:14 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

Afraid I might have a cold, careless heart.

You don't!!!

She has been playing games with you and not being honest. Finally getting to the bottom of her shit is freeing and I'm sure it's relief to get away from the drama. It doesn't mean your cold and heartless. It means you are taking control of your life.

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

posts: 3266   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2008
id 6422095
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 9.10.11 (original poster member #36336) posted at 12:10 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

Just wanted to thank you all for your help. I appreciate it more than you may realize.

I will come around more often to try and return the favor or "pay it forward".

Take care, all, and have a good weekend!

posts: 185   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2012
id 6422192
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Embers2Fire ( member #25557) posted at 4:40 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

There is a motto on someones tagline here on SI, "when someone tells you who they are, believe them". She is clearly telling you who she is. You can not fix her and you did not break her. It is not your job to fix people let the therapist take care of that. She has to want to be fixed. My XWH used to tell me all the time how he wished he could be more like me, because he was a selfish person. I did not understand what he meant. "WE" did alot for others all the time. Hindsight being 20/20 I realize it was always me suggesting ways to give to or help others, "HE" was just along for the ride. He really is a selfish man who struggles constantly with his desire to please himself above others. But that is his struggle not mine. Morale of the story is he told me who he was and I did not believe him. I will not make that mistake again. Good luck to you.

BS - me 49
XWH - him 48
DDay 05/08
Married 25 yrs, 2 sons 28/23
Divorced
2nd Marriage 11/1/13 livng the dream

God has breathed new life into me fanning my fading Embers into a brightly burning Fire.

posts: 463   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: Land of the healed and home of the grateful
id 6422502
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