SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Whether it is a lie or not, it simply isn't ok. She had an affair. She's proven to be untrustworthy. Part of her personal recovery is that she has to change. Period. End of story. I'd tell her she has two choices; show you the phone, or pack her shit. And I'd have a bag of hefty bags with me when I said it.

You can't nice a wayward through this process. They will eat you alive. She has already shown you she's willing to play by different rules. You have to as well. Go hard.

Oddly enough krazy8516, I have done the same thing. Wrote out email address, password, facebook account and password, anything I have, she can look in, and she does so on a regular basis. One day she threw my cell phone at me when she saw I had been messaging a young lady. What she didn't know, and I tried explaining was, the young lady is mentally retarded, lives in Mexico, and her mom told everyone that has "friended" her, thank you because it means a lot to her, even though she couldn't understand all of my Spanish. The killer part is that I told my wife ahead of time and she told me "that's fine". This just blows my mind. She will ask who my female friends on facebook are because she will go to my page. That's why I gave her my facebook password.I want her to feel comfortable. A couple of years ago she de-friended me on facebook and forbade me to go to her page.

Sure, because it's my stuff. That said your W (and mine) cheated. IMO my W lost something when she did that.

I handled it like this. I told her that for the rest of my M with her, should she chose to stay M'd to me (which is a choice by the way) I will spy and look in on her when I please. That is the deal. Take it or leave it. She took it I am thankful to say. I don't look anymore, but if I had a real reason to I would in a heartbeat.

take care...

You can't nice a wayward through this process.

Word.

I would add that the rules don't have to be even in a M. They don't have to be anything other than what you want. I do think they need to be communicated clearly so everyone knows what they are buying the M contract.

take care...

A couple of years ago she de-friended me on facebook and forbade me to go to her page.

Wait a minute!!

I wasn't going to reply because everyone is saying the same thing I would say - Red Flag, Deal Breaker for me personally.

But now you're saying that she checks your FB but you two aren't even friends and you're not allowed to see her page? Oh Hell NO!!

Big, Gigantic, Candy-Apple Red Flag!!!

So, the real question is not about whether her expectation of privacy after cheating is reasonable. The real question in my mind is how much more are you willing to take? She's obviously still playing by the Wayward Rules. When do you get to say "Enough is enough. Here is my boundary."

(((lots of hugs)))