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Kelany ( member #34755) posted at 1:46 PM on Thursday, August 15th, 2013
This may sound overly simplistic but, stop having sex with him. If you're not living as a married couple, then why be the booty call? He has no reason to work on other forms of intimacy and his pain. At the moment, he's kind of cake eating, and I say this as a BS.
Date, talk, create that intimacy, but no sex for while, its possibly hindering in this case.
And, focus on you and your DD. Get an apartment, try not to appear needy.
BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
cliffside ( member #38803) posted at 12:17 AM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
AlyssaMD,
I've been following your story for a while now and looking for a new job is a huge step for you. I'm a Betrayed Spouse and I have to agree with others. Enough is enough. I'm six months out and I can't imagine putting my WH in that scenario for eight months.
The other thing, that to me is very important, is children really need their Moms. Unless you have some drug habit or are abusive, I don't think it's healthy for you NOT to be in the home with your daughter. She should be everyone's top priority.
This may sound weird coming from a BS, but in everything you've posted over the months it has seemed to me that your BH is actually acting like a Wayward. Are you *SURE* he ended it with his "friend"?
And also agree with others - NO MORE SEX and get your own apartment. You've come a long way.
Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14, broke again 1/23/15
180ing, in a state of WTFness
Alyssamd24 (original poster member #39005) posted at 2:22 AM on Friday, August 16th, 2013
Thank you Cliffside (and everyone else too who has given their input). As far as I know he has ended it with his friend...he told me he stopped talking to/hanging out with her outside of work and I haven't heard otherwise...but we will see.
I don't know if I have said this before but I do have custody of our DD, he has her two and a half days a week and she is with me the rest of the time at my parents house. Not the best situation, but that is why I am going to try to get an apartment for her and I. Unfortunately it won't happen right away cuz I need to save money, but I am hoping that will be easier once I do get a new job.
Samantha I agree that he is cake eating and have actually stopped having sex with him and being his booty call, cuz I know that's basically all it is. I guess I went along with it at first cuz I knew he would be upset if I didn't, but I have realized it isn't helping anything...and like you said is possibly making things worse.
I am still hoping for R, but until he decides what he is going to do I am going to focus on me and my DD!
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
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