SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Alyssa, glad you're back.

I would rather just forget him and move on.

Gently, hon, that didn't work the first time. You want to prove you're done with AP? Ask your BH to out the AP to his wife.

If your H were cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know? Doesn't she deserve to know she's married to a lying cheater? You don't seriously think he'll be faithful to her just because you're finally dumping him, do you?

You know what the BWs here say about us; we're predators unworthy even of personal pronouns. Rise above that and do the right thing by the OBS. Their M is a sham; don't let her keep living like that.

I am reluctant to do that though cuz I think it will make everything worse for everyone.

Alyssa: What I am reading between the lines here is you protecting your AP, and protecting yourself from what "unhealthy you" doesn't want - your AP becoming your xAP.

I think you know, deep down, that your "healthy you" should be thinking about YOUR betrayed spouse, your AP'S betrayed spouse, and most importantly...YOU.

Sometimes in life we are confronted with doing the right thing for the right reasons...no matter the personal cost. This is an opportunity, right her and right now, for you to do just that. And by doing so, you will be giving yourself a big push in the right direction.

What is your gut telling you? I'm having trouble believing it is what you wrote above.

Isn't it time for you to start to heal you?

JD

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 7:59 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]

My gut is telling me that she needs to know. But I am afraid that it will make things worse. ..I dont want to burn bridges with my boss....if I tell then she is obviously going to fire me and I won't be able to leave on good terms. I am afraid that AP is going to deny it all and I have no proof, only my side of the story

Really think about what you are contemplating here.

Wow you are a good liar. Had me fooled.

Isn't is sad that you have invested so much energy into this OM who only used you for sex and to pad his ego. He doesn't lurve you.

Last post? A real cop out. If you actually want to get better stick around.

I see now why you haven't tried harder to move home. Still livin in la la land.

Quit the damn job. Now.

You are looking for a good reference from a boss you betrayed and lied to. Facebook chatting instead of doing your job. Cheating with a client whose baby you are supposed to watch. Let me tell you, I AM THE BOSS and nothing is more infuriating than Facebook chatting on work time. There is no way you were doing a good job watching those babies when you were distracted by your Facebook and your AP.

You should quit because you were a bad employee and to seek a false recommendation is dishonest.

Mrs Panda -

If you can't post without belitting someone, stay off the thread.

Alyssa,

You have lied to your husband, your boss, your co-workers and have basically been false with everyone in your life for a very long time.

It is time to get honest with yourself. It is time to stop the lies to yourself. You are not doing yourself any favors by staying where you are. Quit your job. Find another one. Get out now.

Before it blows up into something litigious. Yes, you could be sued.

Go back to school, get the credits you need. Get a your head on straight away from your AP and the AP environment. Don't make any lame excuses.

God just gave you a road map for getting out. Run.

Let your BH send the OBW a disclosure letter and no contact and then both of you go NC.

No more Bull shit.

It's time to put this behind you.

I realize that I have been a very bad employee and know that I deserve to be fired. I acted very unprofessional and inappropriately. I kick myself for that daily.

I'm not trying to just get a good reference from my boss...I want to tell her because I feel bad for lying to her along with everyone else, and I know I need to step up and be honest. It's just hard cuz I don't want to be remembered as "the slurry teacher stupid enough

Wincing sparkle,

I know you are right. I am still looking for a new job...the situation with my college turned out ok...I spoke to the registrars office and they are going to fix it, so I once again really do have a BS in psychology. I will hear back about one job today and received a call yesterday from another place I sent my resume to...after I spoke to my college.

Once I have a new job lined up I am going to quit this one,tell my boss the truth, and confess to XAP BW. I am not going to have my BH do it. I am going to do it myself

Alyssa,

I think your focus is sometimes in the wrong place. I agree that the BS has a right to know, but have you discussed this with your BH? Does he want you to tell her? If he wants her to know, is he comfortable with you telling her? Have you discussed this with him?

Is your job the primary income? If not, I think you need to leave it, even if you don't have something else lined up. That could take months. Even if you get two part-time jobs with crappy pay to make up for the income loss, it would be worth it. What could you give up to spend less so you can leave this job? In this case, IMO, the money is just not worth it.

Talk to your BH about it, stop focusing so much on the job, the OM, the OM's BW, and get to the real work...YOU and your marriage. I feel like you focus on the other stuff to avoid looking where you need to be looking---inside you---because the real work is too scary (been there!).

Authentic,

I agree it would be best to do it all now before I have another job lined up but my BH wants me to wait. His income is the primary but he is also transitioning to a new field and we are unsure when he will start and end his training and begin his new career.

We have discussed it and he wants me to be the one to tell her because he said it will help him regain his trust in me. He also thinks I should tell my boss, but like I said wants me to wait til I find something else. I would prefer to tell her now especially because she is going to be leaving maternity leave any day now.

I know I need to focus on myself more than all this other stuff but I feel like I need to deal with this first.