LA, I applaud you! You are doing great!
I have a similar situation. Same questions about why I hadn't been (for 4 yrs), to a 3 time a year meeting, etc.
Triggered and still do every time. But, because it wasn't work, I finally confided in someone and said, us or her. She's now gone. 
Karma I hope, but would like a more fitting sentence for mow! Just sayin'.
Even so, and 3 years since dd, I still trigger when there. So I know how you are feeling.
My fwh works overtime to make me feel better. He also acknowledges how much better it is with me there, that people want to see me and that I'm the fun, wonderful side of him, so that makes it all bearable. Doesn't take away the bad thoughts that creep in, but helps to slightly subdue them. And, like you, a few drinks and I go off on him like mad when we get back to room too. He completely understands and listens, apologizes, etc.
A work in progress, that's all that can be expected of us after this. 
