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wannabenormal ( member #19772) posted at 3:15 AM on Thursday, September 26th, 2013
Momof79 - I think they find out quick who is or is not accepting. They glom on to the accepting crowd, because it's better for them.
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 4:36 PM on Thursday, September 26th, 2013
I think deep down, in private, a lot of people DO judge - but what can you do when you work with the person or they're your neighbor or whatever?
Yes, I'll agree, but do they have to invited them to cookouts and hang out with them? There is tolerating them at work functions and not calling them an asshole to their faces, and then there's "hey, come on over, we're having a bunch of friends over! why don't you join us?" 
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 4:36 PM on Thursday, September 26th, 2013
I think they find out quick who is or is not accepting. They glom on to the accepting crowd, because it's better for them.
Yes!
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
ruinedandbroken ( member #29250) posted at 5:46 AM on Friday, September 27th, 2013
I know. I totally don't get it. I judge cheaters and always have since before I knew I was married to one. I cannot have friends that do not share my core values. It's hypocritical.
“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 8&11
Married 14 yrs Together 21
PhantomLimb ( member #39668) posted at 10:40 PM on Friday, September 27th, 2013
WS claimed that even his IC told him he shouldn't feel guilty when he went in for his first session.
Heal&Deal ( member #30910) posted at 1:08 AM on Saturday, September 28th, 2013
Because the bad behavior is basically common place. If you started isolating everyone who was involved in an A, you would be greatly limiting your social circle and your networking capability. Not so great in the business world. Look at the statistics on this crap.
Sad, right?
Further, given the stats, the majority of people are somehow involved in an A, so they are naturally disinclined to condemn others for the behavior.
Another reason: many times the BS stays with the cheater. In this case, isolating the cheater, isolates the BS. If the BS chooses to forgive, so too must the social circle.
Personally, I'm choosey about who gets into my inner circle, the friends who are close to my heart. As far as the periphery and the neighborhood BBQ, forget it. It is virtually impossible to rid it of cheaters. Why waste the energy....
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 1:25 AM on Saturday, September 28th, 2013
Yes I judge if the person is cheating on their spouse at that moment in time. My BFF cheated on her spouse I still love her but now she is a different person in my heart 
I hope she finds herself and becomes the person I know she can be.
There are those that cheat and turn their lives around and become better people! Have to believe people can change.
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
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