SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I carried this pain for over 40 years

That's such a long time to carry that kind of pain.

finally, in 2009, H and I had a private healing service with our Anglican priest.

I am at peace

That's beautiful.

I wish I had buried him, too. That is a great regret of mine.

Yeah, I still struggle with this one. I try to console myself with the fact that I was exhausted, in pain, in shock and dismay, basically not in my right mind, so I can't carry that blame. But the other part is like, "Come on. You knew what it was. Get real. You made a lousy decision." *shrug* Maybe one day I'll be "ok" with that part. Dunno.

My WH might not be the most caring and he might have a ton of faults, but he was exceptionally great to me during that time.

My husband has apologized and seriously changed his tune about the whole experience. In fact, a few weeks back I was a complete basketcase, seriously thought I was losing my mind. (Come to find out, my sister was quietly in the midst of suffering a miscarriage and something in me sensed it.) We were laying in bed, he was holding me and he made a comment about, "Our baby." The first time he actually said it. Even in the middle of my meltdown, that tiny little phrase he uttered was so healing. It was ours. And he knew it. And he acknowledged it. It was beautiful.

(((LF, gottagetthrough, & gma)))

My little boy would be 24. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

(((All of Us))

((All our Angels))

(((((Aubrie))))))

My baby would be 10 this year, found out in the delivery room that my oldest should have been a twin, but he isn't. I still wonder if that is why he has this constant need for attention that none of the rest of us do. He was supposed to have that built in.

Would they have been identical? Would the other one have looked more like me than the father? Was it a boy or girl?

My feelings were brushed aside and considered irrelevant really. i mean, I didn't even know there was supposed to be two, I couldn't be upset about only having one like i planned. And, look, I was blessed with such a perfect baby, how could i be sad?