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LearnToLoveAgain (original poster new member #40950) posted at 5:01 AM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Wake up call is right. I feel like sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to really realize how good you have it. I know deep down we can make it. Were in MC and he's doing everything right. I think about the future and it hurts me more to think about life without him than it does this, if that makes sense. It's made us both look inside ourselves and our marriage. I wish it wasn't this that made him realize things, but maybe just maybe we can be stronger. 
Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
heforgot ( member #40850) posted at 3:48 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
My situation is so similar to yours. It does get easier. We are four years out and our M is stronger than ever.
Madhatters
Me: 47
Him: 50
3 kids
Married 22 years
DDay 11/1/09
Status: R and more in love than before!
cluless ( member #40538) posted at 4:09 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
I would give ANYTHING to have my WH do a ONS instead of the 18 month EA/PA he had with his ex-girlfriend, the one he use to refer to "as the love of his life."
In answer to the anger, I wish I knew. I've never been this angry before, I actually attacked him and punched him (don't remember, blacked out.) It seems to be getting worse. You are SOOOOOO lucky that you had a good M before ONS. And that he told you, all I've had is TT and continue to get TT. I know there is MUCH more to learn and if I did learn the whole truth, I'd be gone. 
So realize there are levels of betrayal and deception and you're on the top of the shit pile! I think you're going to be just fine, keep writing, don't suppress your anger, beat a pillow, go to the gym and sweat it out. But get it out!
Best of luck to you!
WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
LMomof2 ( member #41064) posted at 4:12 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
PLEASE read my entry in the JUST FOUND OUT section. My H had a ONS and he too said she persued it relentlessly. Alcohol involved etc. The OW contacted me and said it was he who did the persuing...don't know who to believe, but my feeling is the dirty deed was done regardless of who initiated it. JMO
LMomof2
Me - BW - 59
Him - WH - 59
35 yrs - 2 daughters 17, 21
DDay - 10-15-13
ONS - 9-20-13 and probably YEARS of gaslighting - signs were there.
heartbrokeninaz ( member #40779) posted at 7:49 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013
Does it really matter who started it? It is still the WS fault 100% alcohol or no. It doesn't mean you can't dislike her to especially if she knew he was married. I think this can be a good thing eventually in a marriage. A really sucky painful event, but if it can make you two better then ever what else can you ask for? I feel the same as you about knowing if he wasn't in my life it would be terrible. We actually have a wonderful connection now if that makes any sense at all. Wish we could have done it before he felt the need to have an A. At the same time nothing would have changed probably. Good luck to you both! Sending warmest good wishes:)
BW 51(me)WH 51DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with whorenado DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)Dday 3 06 15/18 texting to meetup with a mutual friend not reciprocated. I live a real life fairy tale.
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