SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You know yourself best and how breaking NC might affect you and if it is worth it to have a taste of who this person is now so many years later.

I would probably do this if my XH called. There is a good chance I will never hear from him again, he's a very withdrawn type and doesn't try to pull me into drama. I would be curious. I might feel upset for a few days, or I might not. I would process it through and move on again. It wouldn't kill me, it wouldn't wreck me, it would show me exactly where I am at.

But you know you and you know your X better than anyone.

Just be prepared to cut it off abruptly if he wants to complain about stuff you don't want to listen too.

Remember you have a right to cut the conversation off anytime you want.

I appreciate the experienced advice, and I plan to keep it very limited - phone call only - and one conversation.

And no more.

Oh.. geez....

If I'm being honest - I've hoped to get a message like that from my ex ever since this journey began.

When we were still 'working on our marriage' and I didn't realize he was still in the A, we had some conversations like this but it always left me feeling, empty. Why? Because I never got what I really wanted from him. Anytime I would go to him with a feeling, a longing or something I thought only he could provide, he left me feeling even less whole then when I started. Does that make sense? I would just be more frustrated because he didn't 'get it' and clearly never would.

There is a part of you that will feel satisfied in someway, that yes, you were right, he did make the biggest mistake of his life. But, it won't make you feel as satisfied as you thought, like others said, you'll end up feeling sad, for them, your family, your healing, all of it. It will reopen old wounds and make you question so much. I dont think it will take you back to ground zero, but it won't be easy. In short, if it's closure you're looking for, you won't get it from him because he isn't emotionally stable. This isn't about you being cruel either, it's the truth that no one can fix him but himself. The cheating spouse is broken in a way that you cannot heal and are not responsible for - it's hard for them to see that.

Having said that, if I got a message from my X like that, against my own better judgement I would go. What can I say, it's still hard to separate all that and maybe a part of me would want to confirm that it was a mistake and that I did move in the best way I could. I would lie to myself and say it's because I'm a bigger person and all about 'light and love' moving forward, forgiving people and sending them on their way, no hard feelings. But the truth would be that love is hard to shut off and I would want to see him, no matter how painful. I wouldn't go back to the way things were, of course, but I wouldn't be able to say no to a meeting.

No matter what happens, good luck! We are behind you and please keep us posted. If you do meet with him, remember who you are, how far you've come and that he's simply a broken person that you cannot fix. It may be hard to bounce back from the meeting - know going into it, it will unleash old pain and feelings, but you will bounce back. Good luck!

Even a year ago, I wouldn't have met with my ex if he asked to talk. But now...yeah, I probably would out of curiosity. And bitchiness. I know it would drive wifetress nuts if she found out I was alone with ex for any length of time.

I can only echo what AJ said so well.

My X is a champion of this. Curiosity used to get me. I had to touch that hot stove several times. It seemed cathartic in the moment but it really isn't.

Ultimately the supposed realization isn't very deep. It just raises those old questions all over again. Its a new bruise.

Let us know how it goes. These things are so tough to say 'no' to.

Tough situation that only you know how best to handle for yourself.

Have not been through this myself, but can imagine my reaction.

I would pass.

Hard to imagine what benefit can come out of having the conversation.

Haven't talked to X in years and no kids either. He is married to OW. The closest I got to this was an email last year on what would have been our 21st anniversary: Don't know if this is your email address but "I'm Sorry"

Friends and family said no response but I didn't listen. I wrote back.: I don't know if you're being sentimental or just plain mental. After all you have put me through I can assure you that it will never be forgotten, ffixed or forgiven. If I were ever to run into you, I would probably punch you in the face.

Haven't heard from him since.

persevere,

Gotta admit I'm curious what the phone call revealed...