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painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 4:16 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
And remember, if you do divorce, In the future you'll be able to tell your child "Mommy and Daddy don't live together because Mommy has integrity and values, and will not be treated poorly by anyone." He will have to say "Mommy and Daddy don't live together because I couldn't keep it in my pants and I didn't care enough about my family to bother trying."
It may not feel like it, and your self image is low right now because of him, but take our words for it - you absolutely are the stronger, more decent party in your marriage. Him? He's loathsome and he knows it. He's just hoping to keep you convinced otherwise.
Be proud Sammy. You're standing up for yourself and your family.
DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband
ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 4:28 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
As you can see from my tagline, I separated after a month and filed within 2 months of D-Day. Did I continue to have hope for a while that he would pull his head out of his ass? Yes.. But he just didn't do enough to get me back. At. All.
He continued his affair and continued to lie to me, so it only took a few more hits for me to be absolutely sure I was doing the right thing.
You can always stop the divorce. Keep his feet to the fire. If he truly is remorseful and dedicated to changing himself, that will happen regardless of what you do. Making sure he knows you will NOT tolerate this anymore is so important, so I applaud you.
Unfortunately, no matter what decisions you make, it's still gonna hurt like hell for a long time. There's no shortcut.. But I was glad to have my dignity. I think every BS should throw their WS out the door. Then, they can fight like hell to get back in or walk away. At least then you have your answer. My STBX didn't try very hard to get back in, so I was so glad I threw him out when I did. It sure told me everything I needed to know..
Big hugs to you..
ascian ( member #40304) posted at 4:55 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
I have never felt so alone in my life
I know this feeling, and I'm sorry that you're going through it as well. That's why SI has been nice, it's a safe place to talk and to connect with people who understand that pain.
While you might not be alright today, you will be in time.
[This message edited by ascian at 10:57 AM, October 24th (Thursday)]
Me - BH 41
Her - FWW 38
D-Day: 8/13
Reconciled
cissi ( member #21737) posted at 9:25 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Sammy, I think you really need to send those emails to her husband. He deserves to know what is going on in his marriage, too.
Good luck to you, sweetie.
Stayingstrong15 ( new member #41088) posted at 9:55 PM on Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I am a year and a half out. I know the pain and I can relate to the diet. I couldn't eat for about a month hardly. It is so not fair. Please try to lean on God. I know it is hard because I had thoughts like why did God let this happen etc but I realized he didn't and doesn't like it one bit.
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