BigIdiot, you will read on this site there is something called wayward thinking. Your posts definitely show wayward thinking.
I've read your posts and to me, something doesn't add up with your story. We are only hearing your version of events and your interpretation of what your BW is saying. You have all the lingo down as far as needing an "Accountability person", talking about shame and pornography, trying to stop but unsuccessfully. These are things that describe an addict, but you are vague about what your issue specifically is. It's soft porn only to say now it is some occasional partially clothed photos that has never escalated in what, a decade of use? I can give you that. That's not how it was for me, but every person is different. And my rock bottom was unfortunately lower than yours by the sounds of things.
IMO, the issue isn't really about porn, as much as people want to focus on that. As you've already said, it's that you lied - period. But you make yourself sound like a victim.
Your BW may be reacting strongly to what you have done possibly because there is more to what you have done that you are not including in your story. It is common for waywards to minimize their behavior. Why else would her IC say it's hopeless?
I'm not suggesting your BW is perfect, but even if your BW is a black and white thinker as she has been described on this thread. So What? This shouldn't be about your wife. It should be about you. Except you have made most of your posts about your BW and how she is reacting. You said recently there are other marital issues that are causing her stress and anxiety and you hid something from her just this week that set her back in her healing. So, other things are going on that could account for her attitude.
IMO, you put all the focus on your BW's behavior and how unreasonable she is being with you. It appears, you've been looking for people to validate your position in this and vilify your BW. Now that you have a couple of people who are giving you what you've been looking to hear, you are starting to run with it.
I feel so sorry for you. Your wife is cruel and cold, and doesn't seem to care about anyone but herself. I would worry that one day one of your children will do something she doesn't approve of, and her response will devastate them. Her response is completely overboard.
You seem like a really good guy, and extremely caring and considerate. I cannot believe you have to deal with the judgmental cruelty that your wife is dishing out. It's mind blowing.
Honestly, I think she needs some counseling. I cannot think of anyone - pastor, priest, rabbi, judge, mother in law, child, boss - that would behave the way she is.
I feel sorry for you. You don't deserve the punishment she is throwing your way.
I find this really disturbing and sickening to read. This is the kind of shit AP's spew.
BigIdiot, here's an opinion from someone with experience I wish I didn't have. If you listen to this validation crap and absorb it and believe it to make yourself feel better, I can guarantee you, you will be back here very soon – and there would be no disputing your label.
Respectfully, painfulpast, nobody here has the right to be the "who hurts more" arbiter, minimize the pain of a BS, or invalidate how someone labels themselves. Read my story, I'm sensitive to that shit because some on SI considered my BH "less betrayed" than others because of our unconventional M.
20Wrongs, well said.