SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Lalagirl...yours sounds like mine.

WS and OW met at work. She left but always stayed in touch. He was always talking about how I'd really like her blah blah blah...she became my friend so that they could continue their affair. I hadn't had a friend in forever because of his bad behavior (or attempted behavior) with every friend around. This person seemed interested in me and was appalled by my H's poor treatment of me and his not respecting my boundaries etc...she was mocking me the entire time.

After I told her to get out and H refused to take his wedding ring off, she exploded and wrote me a letter outting their affair. I had kicked her out of my house for an entirely different reason. :/ I responded by telling her that instead of calling her letter 'the truth about Mr. BeautifulEmpty, she should probably call it 'the truth about herself' as I already knew all about Mr. BE's behavior but this about herself was new to me. She then proceeded to write an awful letter about how horrible I was in true borderline personality disorder fashion. I get so tempted to post her awful letters here just to try to purge myself of the memories of her lies and how horrible her betrayal was/is. He smashed my heart to smithereens but she played in the remains. She knew what it meant for me to open up to a friend after what I'd been through. I cannot forgive her now and when I do, it will not be for her absolution. Just so that I can finally let it go.

As for being close with AP towards the end...we were quickly drifting because her behaviors were bizarre and erratic. She was actively and intentionally causing splitting with one of my very vulnerable daughters (the reason I kicked her out) and holding the entire house hostage with her horrendous and completely non-sensical foul moods. She also kept trying to make the problems my H and I were having all about her...as if her pain was somehow important. I had no idea that on some level it was because she and my H had already had their relationship and were hoping for more. Jokes on me.

I have no room in my life for friends now. I'm an introvert so it doesn't bother me much but I always liked having one super close girlfriend although honestly, I prefer men as friends but that doesn't work well either. Blah...no friends for me.

Two of my SAfWH's many OW were friends. One I considered a close friend. She moved in just across the street from us when my youngest was 1 yr old. My 4 yr old and her son hit it off right away. For the next few years our kids were in and out of each others houses constantly and I treated her kids like family. We introduced her and her H to our friends, included them in our social circle. Her H and mine became best friends. SAfWH and her had an 18 month A before she ended it. I had no clue. I never imagined either one would betray me like that. She did become somewhat distant and they moved shortly afterwards. I was hurt at the time and wondered what I had done but now I understand totally.. Then her and her H split up. We remained friendly and would see each other occasionally. By the time DDay happened the A had been over for 10 years. We had been out a month before DDay with a group of mutual friends and she was super friendly. I haven't spoken to her since I found out. I have seen her in the distance at the mall once but I have no intention of giving her the opportunity to make me feel any worse than I already do.

The second OW who was also a friend but I was never close with her. Our H's were good friends and we socialized as couples. I always thought she was a somewhat superficial aloof woman. Anyway she had an 8 year A with SAfWH. It had been over for a year by DDay. I haven't confronted her either. I imagine seeing her and cutting her down with some clever well thought out words, but I'm sure I would just stammer and stutter and fall apart so I choose to ignore her instead. Luckily I haven't run into her since DDay two years ago.

I do feel totally violated that two "friends" had no hesitation in sleeping with my husband. It makes me wonder if something is inherently wrong with me for two people to treat me like that. I have a very hard time trusting any female friends now. I just hope the karma bus catches up with them at some point.

fwh's OW was not a particular friend of mine (duh, obviously) but I knew her. Her daughter and my daughter were friends and she came to a party in our house

I phoned her after dday because I wanted to find out if she had ever had an hiv test as her ex is apparently now homosexual (yeh like I have any idea if that's istrue but I could imagine her putting him off women for life)

She tore into me and said a lot aimed to hurt. I did likewise then lay on the ground and sobbed. She continued to send me abusive texts until I blocked her. This was only 6 weeks ago so I'm still fantasising about seeing her and telling her what I think. Obviously the best revenge is living well but taking a steel bar to her head and other parts of her anatomy would be such fun.

Wow, BeautifulEmpty - if you were not across the country from me, I'd ask if our xOWs were the same friggin people!

This person seemed interested in me and was appalled by my H's poor treatment of me and his not respecting my boundaries etc...she was mocking me the entire time.

Same here! She would encourage me to leave him - that I didn't "deserve how he treated me and didn't respect boundaries."

As for being close with AP towards the end...we were quickly drifting because her behaviors were bizarre and erratic. She was actively and intentionally causing splitting with one of my very vulnerable daughters (the reason I kicked her out) and holding the entire house hostage with her horrendous and completely non-sensical foul moods.

xOW never lived with us, but she was over our house - a LOT. Always bringing her issues with her...it was all about HER and her histrionics were all for attention to "poor wittle her" - even though she brought these problems on herself. Not to mention the money that we "lent" to her (never got it back), a pack of cigs here and there, my H helping her renovate her basement...the list goes on and on. My full story is in my profile...too much to put on here!

I have no room in my life for friends now. I'm an introvert so it doesn't bother me much but I always liked having one super close girlfriend although honestly, I prefer men as friends but that doesn't work well either. Blah...no friends for me.

Isn't it funny (not ha-ha funny of course) how this makes us this way? For me (and H) our "friends" are our family - our beautiful DDs, their hubbies, and our three beautiful grandchildren...and of course my mom and sisters-in-law. And we're happy. Truly happy. We've been burned by "friends" in the past (male and female) so I think we'll keep it this way. I do have acquaintences (people with whom I work), but it never goes beyond that.

The OW was my best friend for years. We took family vacations together, spent holidays together, texted many times a day, saw each other at least once a week, our children were raised as cousins.

She left her husband who she had 3 kids with and ex left me and they are now married with 6 kids between them. They say they're like the Brady Bunch - they even named their dog Brady.

I spoke to her once, on dday. I simply texted her "I know" and she called me. Honestly, that conversation I was too much in clinical shock to even engage. I think I asked her "how could you?" and "I trusted you" ... something along those lines. I do remember her asking me not to tell people, to "think of the children".

3 years later, I still refuse to acknowledge her. I see her all the time - she doesn't work (I am a teacher) so she is everywhere. Any athletic event, performance, volunteering at the school (which is also my workplace - I work at a k-12 independent school and pay most of the kids' tuition) ... She plays the role of the devoted stepmother to the hilt.

Double betrayal is a special brand of infidelity.

OMG Lalagirl!

Same with the money and smokes here!

At the very end, she ruined a ton of my stuff and dumped out all my supplies I stock ahead but she kept trying to accuse us of stealing her stuff...such as one post for her curtain set. Nothing remotely real.

After she left, there was a bunch of her stuff left here. Nice stuff. She had nowhere to go and no job so I guess she had to leave it. I kept it for a month and them posted it as free on craigslist. Put it out on the curb and enjoyed watching people come get it:) I probably enjoyed it a little too much. Whatever. It was a small joy considering.

Are you sure our OW aren't one and the same?

WH's AP was my daughter's best friend's Mom. They used Facebook to message.

When WH told me about the affair (her BS found out and threatened to tell me) I sent her a text asking "Why?". Her response was "I didn't mean for this to happen."

I know she did mean for this to happen because she came out and told WH that if he left her any opportunity she would be all over him.

I sent her a text on Dday saying "I am better than you in every way. i am a better wife, friend and mother than you could ever dream of being. You need mental help."

Her response was "You haven't told me anything I don't already know. I've been in therapy for a year."

When I saw her about a week after Dday she stuck her tongue out at me.

I stopped engaging her after that. Not worth the energy.

[This message edited by Zayda1 at 5:42 AM, October 28th (Monday)]

She had nowhere to go and no job so I guess she had to leave it. I kept it for a month and them posted it as free on craigslist. Put it out on the curb and enjoyed watching people come get it:)

I. Love. This! I wish OW had left some of her things!

Are you sure our OW aren't one and the same?

Seriously. Maybe she has a twin I don't know anything about.

Wow...there is way too many of us in the double betrayal club. Wtf is wrong with people sleeping with their friends spouses.

Obs was wh's best friend of 15 years too...I was only friends with ow for 2 years or so (we didn't get along when she first started dating obs...guess my first instincts were right)

There's so many of us that there is a thread in "I Can Relate."

My XBFF was closer to me than my sisters. We'd been friends since 4th grade, she was maid of honor at my wedding, if I'd had another daughter I would have named her after XBFF.

She was "so sorry and ashamed." It doesn't make me feel any better.

If STBXH stabbed me in the heart, her dagger is the one sticking out of my back.