SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What helped me with this was realizing it was not an ever-and-ever decision.

I did get to retain the house during the D (along with the mortgage). Like others, I would not be able to afford to rent the size I need for what I pay in mortgage. So financially, it made sense.

It is a lot of work and it is more house than I can handle. I look at it as this is what makes sense while my kiddos are still home (17 and 12). As life progresses, I will re-assess my plan. If both children leave home (I hear rumors that some actually do ), then I will look at selling getting something smaller.

For now, this is what I need to do. I might swear and cry during some of the repairs and maintenance, but it makes the most sense to live here for now.

As long as I keep remembering it is for the short-term, it is not so overwhelming.

I question what your lawyer is telling you. I'm not being forced to refinance. I would never qualify for a mortgage. I don't even have a job. Making me refinance would equate to forcing me & the kids to live on the street.

I get the house. STBX gets to walk away with an enormous pile of cash. Lawyers can draft up any kind of agreement they want. If you sign it, then that's what happens. If your STBX signs a paper giving up the house, then that's what happens.

Again, I question what your lawyer is telling you.

I kept the house, but I had to refinance and pay out his share of the equity.

I chose to do this as DS lived his whole life in this house, all his friends are here and his school is here. I don't have any bad memories and I pay less than I would in an apartment.

I have renovated the bathroom and am in the process of putting down new floors and repainting. I have changed a lot of furniture.

It is now official my home :)

And if I stay here it will postpone it possibly indefinitely. Too,many ghosts in our marital home. (I still can't sleep on any side but the one I've slept in with her for,ten years.) And this will affect the kids, as I want to be a happy, emotionally contented dad for them.

Slight t/j:

For those planning to keep your homes and the memories in the home of your STBX are still troubling you, have you tried rearranging furniture, painting etc?

It really DOES give a room a whole new feel and may help ease some of that pang.

If sleeping on a certain side of the bed is hard, try moving the bed to a different wall to shake things up.

Have your kids help you redecorate so that they feel a part of the process too.

This helped me a great deal when I kicked XWH out of the marital home. We were renting at the time, so I couldn't paint, but I did a lot of rearranging and purchasing of colorful pillows, etc that I wanted (and he never "approved"). Make your home YOURS.