SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I only had one previous long-term relationship. He was a really good guy and I'd drop dead of shock if I ever learned that he had cheated on me. I did cheat on him emotionally at the end of our relationship. I started dating a real dickhead after that (yup - the EA partner). I don't KNOW that he cheated on me in the three months we were together, but I'm sure he did if he had any opportunity. I saw him a few years ago when I was out with friends - he had a girlfriend at the time who he ended up marrying and divorcing within a year - and he hit on me all night. Ugh. I started dating my H after dickhead and I broke up. I really was a relationship novice.

Well first off my parents were married for 38 years when my dad passed away, there was no infidelity that I know of. But, that said my dad was an alcoholic and my mom extreme codependent so I suspect that influenced my "men" choices. My IC confirmed this by saying I am attracted to men I feel sorry for and want "fix". Its so true.

Anyways yes in answer to previous cheating, I never put this together until now, what a revelation:

#1 - second boyfriend in my life, I was 16 still a virgin, he was 21 and a 'bad boy'. Into motorbikes and smoking pot etc. We dated about a month and I wouldn't have sex with him. One day my friends said he was having sex with this woman named Sue - she was way older than him, skanky, and a drug dealer!! I immediately dumped him

#2 - Met him when I was 17, he was 23. He was a pretty good guy but he had low self esteem and tended to drink a lot and couldn't stop once he started. We were pretty serious for five years. Before the end we lived together for six months and he was miserable to live with. One day I got looking at his cell phone bill and noticed an entire weekend that I was away he spent calling one of those 1-900 dating lines (this was in the mid nineties). This just gave me reason to end it.

#3 - tables turned. Now I became an OW. Was friends with this guy who was on the fire department with me . We became great friends and there was a group of us who all hung out all the time. He told me he had broken things off with his live in gf and sure enough all of a sudden she was gone, while this happened things heated up and we became FWB. One day at his house I noticed a box of pantiliners in their spare room (odd I know) - confrontation happened and he admitted she was away for three weeks visiting family 1000 miles away but he planned to dump her when she got back. Lets just say that friendship ended abruptly.

And the final biggie, my now exH. That can be read about in my profile. After him, dated a dude I met online for 7 months when I found out not only was he married and had a secret wife and child overseas, I also found evidence he was sleeping with other women while he was dating me!! So I was cheated on and an OW at the same time!! My god!

So yes, looking at it all there certainly is a pattern. Now I have been 100% single and celibate for 7 months. Not even looking, scared off of OLD, live in a ridiculous small village, don't do bars so really hard to meet anyone. Its ok though because I know my picker is broken and needs to be fixed. I have a very specific list of what I am looking for in a partner and will not settle for anything less. I feel ok being single right now, happier than I have been in years for sure. Living by my signature - " and this above all, to thine own self be true"

Every single one. Starting with my alcoholic father - he cheated on my mother before I was born. Every boyfriend I had before I got married cheated. XWH was what I thought was the opposite of my father and my "type" and I believe he was faithful for 23 years. It was the last year of our marriage that the A happened. And my first relationship after the D ended because of cheating (he was a former BS).

I thought for some time that the problem was me. And maybe it was in that I was attracted to these people. But after working on my FOO issues in IC, I believe that I have improved my picker. And if it happens again, I will live through it.

It sure messes with my ability to trust and believe in people.

NL