SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Crossing my fingers for you Shelly!

Sending you Christmas bonus mojo!

Thank you so much guys....I need it! I'm just gonna be patient and hope for the best. Patience was never one of my best virtues...my daughter is teaching me the art of patience every day...I think I'm getting "a little" better at it...

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:19 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

Yes I think it's unacceptable to ask about it. Bonuses are given at the discretion of the company, they are basically a gift.

We also get substantial bonuses at Christmas, and one year it was getting awfully close to Christmas and no one had mentioned it. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking about it. In the end, it was a clerical error on the part of the office manager who didn't submit it to the payroll company on time. The owners let us all know that this was the case and that yes, we were getting a bonus. But I would NEVER have asked.

I'm trying to be as gentle and kind as I can.

Given all of the money problems you've expressed here over the past year or so -- including contemplating bankruptcy, moving back in with your dad, having trouble affording race fees, etc., if you were to get a bonus, why would you spend it shopping instead of paying off debt or building up your emergency savings? Especially now while your child is so young and doesn't care at all about material things?

^^^^^^^^

This...x 1000

Seriously? If Shelly gets a bonus- even if she is in debt- she can spend it any way she wants.

I have massive student loan debt. If I got a $1000 bonus would it go to that?

NO.

And here's why:

I live paycheck to paycheck. It is draining emotionally. Going out and seeing all the holiday "stuff" can actually make me feel horrible that I cannot even afford gifts for my loved ones. Or at least not more than a few dollars worth.

Living paycheck to paycheck is an emotional curse. You are happy on payday and the stress is lifted for a few hours. Then it comes crashing down. It is relentless.

So you make a plan and you stick to it, but when you get a bit extra you spend it on the things you can't normally afford.

A nice lipgloss, a new toy for the kid, heck- even shopping at Kroger instead of Aldi.

It makes you feel "normal" for a minute and gives a sliver of brightness.

So yeah- Shelly may be in debt- but attacking her for using her bonus as she wishes is not the answer.

I hope you get your bonus Shelly.

Shelly, every business is different. The business' I have, and how I run them, a bonus is a "bonus"...for going above and beyond what I expected. I personally would not like it if an employee came in asking for their bonus, or if there would be one.

Just my $.02.....keep the change.

Seriously? If Shelly gets a bonus- even if she is in debt- she can spend it any way she wants.

I have massive

student loan

debt. If I got a $1000 bonus would it go to that?

NO.

And here's why:

I live paycheck to paycheck. It is draining emotionally. Going out and seeing all the holiday "stuff" can actually make me feel horrible that I cannot even afford gifts for my loved ones. Or at least not more than a few dollars worth.

Living paycheck to paycheck is an emotional curse. You are happy on payday and the stress is lifted for a few hours. Then it comes crashing down. It is relentless.

So you make a plan and you stick to it, but when you get a bit extra you spend it on the things you can't normally afford.

A nice lipgloss, a new toy for the kid, heck- even shopping at Kroger instead of Aldi.

It makes you feel "normal" for a minute and gives a sliver of brightness.

So yeah- Shelly may be in debt- but attacking her for using her bonus as she wishes is not the answer.

^^^This is how I feel. I will be in debt until I die. Its just a fact of my life. I need to live "a little" and I am or was going to use part of it for paying up bills.

I think what bothers me most is I know that they are paying out bonuses because I saw where it was allotted for. I am an accountant. Its just disheartening to think that I am possibly not one of the few receiving one when I need one so badly.

THANK THE LORD AND THE HEAVENS, MY BOSS GAVE ME MY BONUS THIS MORNING....AND IT IS $120 MORE THAN LAST YEAR!!!

I don't know how things work in your company She11y, but in every company that I worked for We didn't get "Christmas" bonuses. The bonuses were performance and company results based, were discussed openly with everyone and individual situations on how much you would get were discussed between manager and employee upfront so that when they are given out there are no surprises. And they were distributed in April. But it was all discussed openly

What are the criteria that are used to decide who gets a bonus and how much? Was this discussed with everyone in advance? You said that you got one last year, how was that handled between you and your boss?

I think that if you have a good relationship with your boss it does no harm to casually ask considering you got it last year and you know from doing the books that the money is there.

As far as your debt is concerned, I do think it would be a good idea to try to cover some of that just to take the pressure off of you but you need to do something nice for your daughter, family, friends and YOURSELF! You will always have debt - most of us do It erally is no big deal as long as you can make the monthly payments. I know from your posts how you are struggling so yes you do need to make some adjustments but doing something for you for the Holidays and be able to enjoy some nice things is critical to you own well being.

Yeah! Shelly -& congrats on the raise

Glad you got your bonus Shelly.

It's interesting how this varies so greatly by company. I was reading gahurts reply and thought my company is so different.

I work in HR for a private company, our bonuses are performance and company results driven also. But we give no information about it as we don't want employees to count on it at all.

Therefore, employees don't know what % of sales achieved would mean bonuses that year, they don't know what is the base performance level or how it's calculated. I'm in HR and I don't know myself. I generally would say because of how we view it, at my company people typically don't ask.

I was just thinking that a bonus this year would help me too. I'm currently trying not to think about it as not to have hope.

Have a great holiday for those that are celebrating thanksgiving! Even if you're not, I'm thankful for all of my friends from SI.

Phew!!!! and Yay!!!!!!

I'd been holding my breath and I'm tickled pink for you!!

Woo Hoo!

Now you can Happy Dance without having that bandage on your left foot from having shot it by asking about it.

Good for you Shelly!!! Sometimes ya just gotta be patient. Do as I say, not as I do.

Very happy for you! you have obviously earned it!

Happy Holidays!

I'm glad you got your bonus!

I didn't think there was any possible way my original post could have been read as an attack since I was so careful with wording. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have posted. But since it was taken that way, I'll respond.

I grew up extremely poor. Paycheck to paycheck (and then not even.) Not knowing if we were having dinner. Stove broke and can't afford a new one for months until my grandparents finally take pity and buy us a used one. Embarrassed to have friends over. I know the stress, and growing up as a child in that environment is terrible. I felt guilty that my parents had me when they couldn't afford me, I felt terrible when my 3rd grade class was going on a field trip and I knew I was going to have to ask my parents for $3 so I could go. I remember resenting my parents, and then feeling shame about it, when they took my first communion money to pay bills. I've had a job, working as much as legally allowed (and frequently more) since I was 12. My parents contributed absolutely nothing to my higher education (one time they bought me some groceries.)

One of my favorite sayings is that if you do what you've always done, you'll be where you've always been. Why does doing something good for yourself have to involve buying something or spending money? Studies have shown that you may feel a slight boost, but then you usually feel worse. (http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2001/may/06/shopping.highereducation for example)

It takes time, effort, and sacrifice, but anyone can emerge from debt, build up emergency savings, and remove that financial stressor from their life. (Some good resources: "Your Money or Your Life," Early Retirement Extreme, Mr. Money Mustache, Get Rich Slowly -- google them if you're interested.)

My suggestion was that instead of buying some crap that your daughter is too young to really appreciate, create some new, good money habits. You can do free stuff and she won't even know. Go to the library and get books to read together, go for a walk in nature (which is shown to be stress-relieving: opposite of shopping), play with the toys she already has... Giving her the gift of financial literacy and responsibility would be one of the best things you can do for her. I had to learn on my own, and use my parents as an example of what not to do. Build up a base now so that when she is old enough, you have the means to splurge occasionally.

sadtoo you're right -- it's Shelly's money and she can do what she wants. I just know the stress of being very poor, and now I know the freedom that not having to worry about money provides. It's the cumulative effect of many little decisions that affects things like this. Shelly has shown that she possesses the discipline and character required for delayed gratification (marathon training) and I thought to suggest that if she applies that to her financial life, she could reap the benefits, probably in far less time than she thinks.

I won't respond on these types of threads anymore.

I won't respond on these types of threads anymore.

Please don't think this. I appreciate constructive criticism and I've learned that its expected on SI. I never post on here expecting everyone to give me sunshine and roses. We are all different and have different perspectives and I value all of them!! I understand completely where you are coming from. I'm just happy to have a "slight" sigh of financial relief at this time of year and having the ability to catch up on some bills. I'm not going to go on a hog wild shopping spree or anything! I know better than that! I am very thankful and grateful to have gotten this money and will be very smart in how I spend it! Please continue to comment and share your views.

I value your thoughts....your opinions .....and you! And, I hope you have a very very Happy Holiday!!!

phmh, you have wonderful, thoughtful advice and it reaches far beyond the intended recipient, you never know who it might help. Please continue to share

Very well said, phmh, and I couldn't agree more with your thoughts.

Please continue to post.

I won't respond on these types of threads anymore.

No, please do. Mustachians need a champion and a voice other than the Mr. Money Mustache himself.

If you get one more person to check out or convert, you've done your job.