SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

BS here.

FYI…My DD was 5 years 2 months 6 days ago. I have never received an admission from her doing anything wrong. Oh, there was that one time kiss at their hotel after a night of drinking, but she told him to stop because she didn’t want to hurt me.

Below is the first piece of evidence I found. It is a note that WW left in her car.

You tell what you think.

“I would like to apologize for acting the way I did. I realize perceptions are what they are and it’s important not to give the impression of inappropriate activity. I keep thinking that maybe it’s best not to travel with you, then I get selfish and don’t want anyone else “Taking Care” of you. I think my feelings for you are much deeper than what/how you feel about me on a personal level. I feel I have become overly attached in possibly an unhealthy way. I get the feeling that I cramp your space when we travel and I don’t intend for that to happen. Part of me is thinking that continuing to work for you may not be best for either of us. I know I am very possessive and I don’t want to share you and I also know there are tons of people that want time with you. I also know that some (maybe more) of those people (Women) are than “Just Friends”. It kills me to think that you are/maybe intimate with some of them. I can handle being the “OTHER” woman, but having a hard time being one of many other women. I can only imagine how K feels (His Wife) if she even has a clue. I don’t know if I am infatuated with you or there is an element of love in the mix. It could be the idea of you, I don’t know. I do know just the thought of you gives me butterflies. I get excited about seeing you and hate when the weekend comes around knowing I won’t see you. I keep trying to figure things out. What’s wrong with me and why I act like a kid around you. HELP!!!!!!!!”

You asked…..what was WW reaction when I confronted her??? She went fucking crazy, said I had no right to read that note, that I didn’t have a fucking clue what it was about, it was just a fantasy of hers. Then she went into major Lie, Deny, and Blameshift mode.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of what I found to include her journal, 1000s of text messages’ and a hotel receipt (1 Block from her work and only stayed 3 hours). BTW… that explanation was a classic “I didn’t want to bring anymore stress into the house with you and the kids and I needed a place to think” WTF!!!

You said…” I know that I was really more concerned about my own protection.” This is so true. You see my WW was more concerned about THIER protection because her AP was General Officer in the US Army and they both would have lost their jobs along with their families. She will take this lie to her grave.

So here we are today. She is fully reconciled because I no longer bring it up. As for myself, I am just going through the motions. Your BS world has been torn apart, but at least she knows the truth. Me, I am stuck in limbo land.

ATW

Worst day(s) of my life.

I say days, because it took me days to eventually TT al the details to he, and then my subconscious mind connected back to other (multiple) events that happened that I had to confess.

The worst part to me is that I feel like I have confessed everything possible to her, but occasionally something pops into my head and it feels like it will never end.

She knows everything physical that ever happened, but there were instances of "more than flirting but less than physical" that happened.

I feel like such a piece if shit person and husband. I am trying so hard to be better.

Thank you for sharing. Your experiences have made me reflect more on my own circumstances.

@Retrans

I am sorry that your WS does not bring up what happened specially since it is still a big and painful issue for you. This is how you have described it - a limbo. My BS has this problem with me. I do not actively bring up my infidelity in a supportive manner for her. She has told me that is the reason she would like to leave me. I am desperately trying to convince her to give me another chance. I now actively and respectfully bring up the infidelity. Would you ever consider asking your WS about it again? Can you let her know that you feel trapped in a limbo because she never wants to talk about it and help you heal? I do hope you reach true reconciliation. Thank you again for your insight.

@RegretfulHusband

I am sorry you are having a hard time specially about your perception about your inability to be a good person. I have felt this too. I have realized there is a difference between self-pity and remorse . I think self-pity is when you just fell bad about yourself and do not do anything about it. Remorse is when you accept responsibility for your actions and actively do something to make amends to your BS and your family. I have wallowed in self-pity and used it as an excuse to escape from the work of repairing the damage I have done and to gain sympathy from my BS. I became complacent and uncaring and was not able to focus on the suffering and needs of the person I hurt. I discovered that the road to remorse is difficult, painful and requires work. I hope you are able to find that. Inspite of our shortcomings, we are capable of goodness and love. Let us be that person.

Well said Grains. I sincerely hope you find peace.

Everyone, no matter how horrible they feel, deserves to be loved by someone.

Thank you. That is so true. We all are capable of loving and we are all loved. Sometimes we can't see it but these wonderful things are there. It is when we don't see it that we cause suffering to ourselves and to others.