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StrongAlone ( member #39564) posted at 3:11 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
You sound like a very strong woman. This is good and will help you greatly in the roller coaster ride of emotions that is to come. It is a hellish ride but there is sun shining on the other side, just hold on tight and the love of your family and friends, and SI, will get you through it.
Me (BS) 41 Him, SA, covert NDP
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
2014 Divorced!!
kansas1968 ( member #32214) posted at 3:18 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but please, don't make any permanent decisions yet or for quite some time really. Tell yourself you will give it a year. Then get some good books to help you with this. "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass helped me a lot. There is a "Book Club" forum on this site that should help and there is lots of stuff in the healing library.
Everything you said, about what you were doing while he was cheating, the trip to Vegas, taking care of your mom, etc., all feel like such betrayals and they are, but all of us have had to deal with those betrayals and many of us are still together.
First you need to know you are not alone. Looke at your member number. That is how many people that are on this site alone. This happens in good marriages, solid marriages, marriages that you never thought that it would.
It does though and we are left to deal with it.
The pain you are feeling now will get better. It will take time, but it will get better. Keep posting, find someone you can talk to, limit the number of people you tell, and get ready for the roller-coaster ride of your life. Hugs.
Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 3:26 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
(((Hugs)))
My only advice is to let the dust settle before you start making big, permanent decisions. This whirlwind state is not a good place to make important decisions from.
I'm so sorry you're here.
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
Mhiimg65 (original poster member #41951) posted at 3:44 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
Thanks to all of you. I'm hearing what you are saying. I'm, as of today, totally realizing the man I have loved and lived with as best friend is nothing but a "dude" looking for a hookup. Apparently he lacks intimacy in his life according to all of his online profiles. Can't wait till tomorrow, he comes home. I'm not ready for this but I've got to go with my heart, which is saying, pack his bags, and put him out the side of the road.
How does one spend 26 years of marriage and not know the the last two years he has been on the prowl for "something else" .
I know the marriage is 50-50 problems but the affair is all his. Since I confronted, he has shown very little remorse. And In fact, tonight emailed that he "has an addiction" and shouldn't I understand that? No... I don't. This is all his doing.
Our confrontation was Jan 4th . In five days he has responded to at least 5 woman. This is sick, right?
New Mantra: You were my best friend. Now you're someone I used to know.
" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC
allatsea ( member #38923) posted at 8:23 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
You are strong. I can see that. You need to be.
You have seen what he is capable of. It is sociopathic and he isn't even trying to stop what he's doing. He is carrying on and thinks you will put up with it.
You know what you have to do.
I am so sorry you are with us.
hugs to you
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
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