SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My XWW comes from a long line of OW and WW. This was spoken extensively about during our dating phase. My XWW swore to me that she did not want that lifestyle. Her paternal father left her mother and his children for his OW and my XWW hated him for what he did. Her mother hooked up with a MM after that. All of her female family members have been involved in affairs in one form or another. And this was a big issue for me. But I chose to trust her as she acted like she was appalled at that type of behaviors. She actually would cry about her upbringing and how bad it was. But she also went down infidelity road and exposed her own children to what she claimed she hated. Do I excuse what she did because of her FOO ? Of course not, I find it even more despicable and find it to be a very hypocritical lifestyle she entered into. To me its worse because as a child who suffered through it, cried about it and knew damn well the pain the kids and the BS went through. She should have thought twice about being a cheat herself. But of course in her eyes her situation was special and different. So she gave herself a pass while her children and I suffered. Infidelity is a choice. And a choice made freely and with intention. I will not and can not ever accept that family background causes one to cheat. Its a cheap excuse and totally without merit.

because as a child who suffered through it, cried about it and knew damn well the pain the kids and the BS went through. She should have thought twice about being a cheat herself. But of course in her eyes her situation was special and different. So she gave herself a pass

Come to think of it, my MIL's father deserted my MIL's mother & her when my MIL was 3 yo---I don't know why. My MIL destroyed WH's family when he was 3 yo., repeating the nightmare.

However, WH claims that he didn't know why his parents divorced until after Dday (altho everyone else knew, & told me). He really had his head buried in the sand. His mother had him so brainwashed that he never asked questions. He has always been terrified of her because she was so full of rage. (Even now that he knows this new information, I don't know if he will confront her.)

One of the bonds that I thought WH & I had was that it was so important to both of us that our kids have the secure foundation of an intact family that neither of us had (in my case, not because of infidelity---my parents were too religious, but because my Mom had cancer for years during my childhood & then died when I was a teenager.)

I guess when WH started up with OW , the unicorns & rainbow factor made him forget just how important this is, so the nightmare repeated for the 3rd generation in a row.