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karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 2:09 AM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Stop living your life with what ifs.
Find your truth and live what is.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
millienotboo ( member #22415) posted at 6:06 AM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Re: mind movies....
Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that these are not happening now, they are at best memories and at worst your imagination
M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 12:18 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
And when i first got here, just about everything Bigger has written 
[This message edited by Chicho at 7:24 AM, January 20th (Monday)]
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
forgivingnow ( member #33549) posted at 1:41 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Jrazz 10,000th post dated 7-25-13. Just bumped in JFO.
Tushnurse post 5 yrs. out dated 9-26-13. Just bumped in general.
"Know that no matter what your WS says, or does, their choice to cheat has absolutely NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING to do with you. KNOW and BELIEVE they the WS chose this path because they are broken, have poor boundaries, and felt they were getting something they needed from that AP that they couldn't find in themselves, in their M or in other places in their lives. Now if you have a truly remorseful spouse R is possible, and not only possible, but you have an opportunity to grow as a couple, and become better, stronger, and happier."
Re: TT
"Ask yourself, does the new information change where we are at the moment? If at the end of the day it doesn't , do your best to let it go." I don't remember who said this.
Me-BS 57
FWH-57
M 37yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yours
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 3:01 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
"Ask yourself, does the new information change where we are at the moment? If at the end of the day it doesn't , do your best to let it go.
not sure I agree with this. It probably won't change where I am at the moment, but it would mean that he hasn't taken honesty seriously, from the beginning, and that I can't have.
dmg35 ( new member #41552) posted at 3:16 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
@SamanthaBaker..... thank you for that post it really hit home for me
dmg35 ( new member #41552) posted at 3:20 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
@Reallysad2012 thank you for this as I have only been focusing on the negative actions and words of my WW and not focusing on the positive changes she had and continues to do.... Thank You for this post
One thing i did to help myself was to keep a daily journal of all the things my WH did for me...things i noticed in him that were different...changes that he made. It could have been something as small as him noticing i did some stupid chore around the house and thanking me...or as big as him realizing how disrespectful something he did was, immediately catching it and changing the action. I wrote down everything. Then, on the days when i felt crappy, i could look back at this big long list of all these things and see, in black and white, what he was doing to make himself a better man for me.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 3:35 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Kyrie ( member #41825) posted at 3:52 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I've received a ton of advice from SI. Such wisdom!
I once posted about a bad scene with my H where I flipped out and became this rage filled, flailing, cursing thing - and at the time we were doing so well in R. I was so discouraged by this because I thought we/I had come so far and this seemed like such a setback. It was a repeat of the early days after DD and it was bad.
But wise sisoon suggested that I see those emotional eruptions as critical to the healing process. It's a way of releasing the pain - getting it out of my system, so to speak. He said it much more eloquently though.
Me: BW (49), WH (50)
Married 26 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 when STD was discovered
Told it was 15 mo. PA ("just a fling") w/co-worker that ended in 2006
DD#2 04.06.14 duration of affair was actually 2yrs/8mo ("I love you's")
Melian40 ( member #41205) posted at 7:07 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
All the symptoms of BS and WS and the 180.
BW-me:41
BH-him:42
DD-age 10
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.
"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"
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