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Good grief, people, this is just a second date! What is the worst that could happen? Seriously . . . What is the worst that could happen.

They are far from a "relationship" further yet from being each other's SO. Yeah, he could be as f-ed up as a soup sandwich, but this is exactly why we date--to get to know people better so we can make good decisions about having a relationship with someone.

Attorneys are a tough breed. I was raised by one and I have been in a relationship with one for 3.5 years.

The worst that can happen, from where I stand is that you decide he is not worth date #3. Is that going to be a forever damaging experience? Highly doubt it.

To keep things in perspective, some would consider my GDM's leaving a 27 year marriage or his lack of a relationship with his second son to be red flags also. I took some time to get to know the man and while he definitely has his faults and issues, he is a good person.

I would go on the date, but like any beginning friendship, watch, listen and learn.

Cat

[This message edited by Catwoman at 8:43 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]

I get the don't want a player thing, but this makes me sad for the people who have been unlucky in love. It's not everyone's first and only priority to be in a relationship at any cost. That doesn't mean they aren't good people or capable of love.

If someone is a little awkward, not a classic catch, it is actually pretty common to focus on other things and take a pause from failed romance. I knew a woman didn't settle down until she was in her fifties.

If he is really smooth and great on paper, and has had numerous flings, that would be more of a concern.

He told me that he has never had a relationship longer than five months - and that the five month relationship was really hard (as he said, he gave it the ol' "college try"). He says that he has very high standards.

I have issues with anyone who relates their longest relationship (5 months) with giving it the ol' "college try.

Not cool.

-t2g

@cat - thanks for stepping in, I was a little surprised by people equting a second date to somehow being in a relationship or 'settling' or exerting too much effort for someone that wasn't worth it (someone who they never met and I spent all of 90 minutes with).

@crescita - He's not socially awkard or unattractive or anything that would make you think he would have trouble getting a date. He seems to date a lot, just doesn't stay committed.

@thyme - I think he was trying to make an awkward joke. It just struck me that he said it was really, really hard for him to stay in a five month relationship - he just tried to stick it out.

Anyway, I decided to cancel the second date. He was very gracious. I just told him that I enjoyed meeting him but I just didn't feel it and didn't want to waste him time. He thanked me and wished me luck.

For us foreigners, what is an "ol college try" ?

It's only the second date. No need to freak out. Give the guy a chance.

One of my brothers had lots of girlfriends, no serious long term relationships for many years. Got married when he was 38. Has four kids, been married for 12 years. Outstanding dad and husband. And brother He was not interested in settling down, he had high standards you might say. I adore my SIL. He made a great choice -- and a lot that was because he waited until he was ready and knew what he wanted.

So give the guy a chance. Maybe you are what he's been waiting for!

Eta, sorry to hear you cancelled the date. Oh well, maybe someone else will give him a chance...

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 12:57 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]

@jem - it's a glib way of saying that you 'gave it a shot.' It can mean that you tried really hard, as when in college (university) you work hard on a project. Most of the time, colloquially, it's said ironically.

@stronger - I cancelled because I just wasn't feeling it with this guy for whatever reason. When I originally posted the question, I was curious if this should be something I should be cautious about (clearly yes), but it wasn't the deciding factor.

One thing with your BIL - keep in mind that if he got married at 38 then he clearly started seriously dating SIL in mid-30's. This individual is turning 40 soon and has not had a relationship longer than 5 months (that he described as excruciating) in about 17 years.

I think the reasoning behind my response had to do with how I perceived the wording in the question. Is it a red flag...I think so. If you had asked about going out for a drink with someone you were not sure you wanted to get involved with I would have had a different reaction. I misunderstood thinking you were asking about getting involved in a serious relationship.