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salty_lt2 ( new member #33744) posted at 7:08 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
Since my WBF is putting in the work, but also wants to "pretend it never happened" its a weird place I'm in. Its not that he's not open to talking about the A or anything like that, its just that if I didn't bring it up ever, he definitely would not.
Again from a fWH point of view, if he's "putting in the work," he shouldn't want to "pretend it never happened." I truly believe those idea are completely incompatible.
Keep it up! Him talking about it is good news, although words like "never" shouldn't be in his vocabulary anymore...
4everfaithful83 (original poster member #41761) posted at 7:15 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I agree, and I explained that to him.
I NEVER thought he'd do it to begin with...so him saying it now means absolutely nothing.
I think him wanting to pretend it never happened is a defense mechanism. If he doesn't dwell on it, then he doesn't have to deal with the awful things he did.
Its selfish really. It's not like I can forget it ever happened. And I told him that. I'm stuck with these thoughts forever, so why should I be the only one suffering?
I guess everyone deals in their own way...which is why I believe the R path is different for everyone.
Maybe I'm just naive, but I choose to believe that my WBF IS that great guy I fell in love with, he just made a terrible mistake.
I've always said that EVERYONE is capable of cheating, or stealing, or murder even.
It just takes the right circumstances in your life, and how you choose to deal with them.
Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...
ME: 36
1 doggie
DDay: June 24th, 2013
DDay 2 : August 22nd,2017
Left him August 26th, 2017
jupiter13 ( member #40999) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
I want to reiterate as of lately I have seen many saying he(she) made a "mistake". That word really bugs me. Their A was not a "mistake," this was a "choice" they made all by themselves.
I make "mistakes" all the time when I am typing. I make a mistakes sometimes when sewing. He(she) did not make a mistake when they took their pants(skirts) off and got into bed with someone else. Period it was their CHOICE and we did not have any "choice." It was s conscience discussion to commit adultery.
EB1541 ( member #42143) posted at 12:07 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Right now I feel the same way. It's only been a little over 3 weeks since dday and I feel like he just forgets it happened and goes about everything like it's fine and dandy . whenever I bring it up he gets upset and says I'm throwing it in his face. But i feel like if we don't talk about it he won't keep trying.
D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 23 his age:27
One wonderful son together
Scubachick ( member #39906) posted at 1:34 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
I did this for months and he thought I was punishing him. I finally just came out and said that I didn't want him to think things were perfect and I have a fear that he'll forget it ever happened. He said "do you really think I could forget this? Look what I've done to my wife and our lives...do you really think this is something that slips my mind. I'm aware of it 24/7 but I thought our goal was to move forward". I said easy for you to say.
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