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struggling16 ( member #33202) posted at 3:13 AM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
I did early on. I know more about the AP than my WH does. I even documented what I learned and saved it. I haven't told him any of the details because he's simply not interested. I lost the interest myself a while back; the AP isn't worth the time or effort any more.
Putto ( member #38261) posted at 2:41 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
I lost the interest myself a while back;
I'm looking forward to the day I lose interest in checking on her...
I tell him probably half the time I find myself compulsively cyber-stalking her. Luckily the frequency has diminished in the past several months. I think he finds it frustrating that I do allow her to take up any of my energy, he says he never thinks about her anymore. We're not all so lucky I guess.
During a conversation once about how I have a habit of comparing my life to hers and feeling like I am losing (since she seemingly gets to move on with no consequences while a year later I'm still waking up with nightmares and constantly assuming my husband is lying to me...) we came up with a list of things to do to distract/take care of myself instead of spiral into self-destructive and obsessive thoughts. It has things like take a vitamin, work out, journal, learn something new, etc. They're little things but still helpful to have a plan.
I don't say much but I lurk around a lot. Thank you for baring your souls here, you've said the words I couldn't find and you've helped me heal more than I can say.
LiedtoLucy ( member #39246) posted at 11:48 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I wouldn't say that I check up on her...but I do check WH FB account to make sure she remains "unfriended." I unfriended her on D-day only to check a few weeks later and see that they were "friends" again.. Again this was early on when the fog was really dense. I made him unfriend her and feel the need to check once in a while. Not much at all of her profile is public to non-friends so I can't see anything. She did send him a friend request a few weeks ago that I, of course stifled before he even saw it.
Also, she blocked me..I don't really understand why since we have NEVER had any contact. But whatever... I can live with that :)
LTL
Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=Single Coworker
OW had a baby. We do not know if my H is the father.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 16 years
Married: 12
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 11, 6, 3
Limbo 2 + years after dday
whattheh ( member #40032) posted at 12:29 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
My fWH and I both agreed after dday to have no more secrets..
So in the spirit of that, I always told him if I checked on OW. But luckily for me that stopped a few months ago. I no longer feel the need to check. 
[This message edited by whattheh at 6:29 PM, January 31st (Friday)]
Retired & now in 60's-M 39 Yrs-DD 2013-TT for 3 yrs (new details incl there had been 3 more MOWs)--all this started with porn use for mid 50s WH (felt he was possessed)~~Cheating and aftermath is huge time waste with high opportunity cost~~
mattie ( member #25280) posted at 11:50 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Fortunately fo me the AP does not have facebook so I am limited in how much I can see-and this is good for me initally I would check in on her sisters facebook but she never had anything about OW on there -however the other day I went lurking on the internet and found her resume on an online website-I was able to see she has a new job, and has taken some time off-like 2 years from working. I don't tell WS about this-I feel too creepy and ashmaed I don't tell anyone.I always feel badly afterwards, why should I want to know anything about her-I wonder if there will ever cone a day I truly don't care.
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