SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am about one and a half months since she confirmed the A.

I can listen to music but I stick to the fast stuff. No sentimental or ballads. Movies still screw me up, so I watch documentaries and non romantic cartoons.

I've found that (for me. I'm Catholic) prayer helps the most. Yes, I did cry quite a bit when I talked to the Lord, but after a while a sense of calm would wash over me and I'd be good for several hours to about half a day. When my thought start to become uncontrolled again, I would pray again (say the rosary).

If you are not religious, you could learn meditation. I find the meditation based on Buddhist principles can help as well.

I know all too well about what you are going through and I'm sorry to hear another person like me is going through hell on earth. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I called it my roulette wheel in my head. The wheel would spin around and around and eventually stop on a number. The number was a thought, question or image. My brain would go on with this particular tangent for a minute or maybe five minutes. Then the wheel would start spinning again until it stopped on another number and another thought, question or image would come up. This continued all day from the time I woke up until I was finally able to go to sleep.

During my first MC meeting, I explained this to him and asked how long this torture would last. He replied without hesitation that it would last six weeks. He was right thank goodness. I still have much of the same but not nearly as intense after time has passed.

The hypervigilance that our minds experience---about almost any topic---is incredible. I never thought my mind could function like that for as long as it did.

For example: I was never that good with my memory. Not terrible, but I definitely could not remember...or even recall...items that were not that prevalent. But after D-day, my mind---besides being all over the place emotionally---was almost photographic in memory and details. The most minute detail would not slip by.

But as I started to return to a "normal" life, my brain did also. Yours will too.

Especially when you start to reclaim your life.

I had the same problem right after D-day. I suffered with it for months. I was a complete mess. I started IC the very next day after D-day, she wanted to put me on meds. I refused to go on them because of something my husband did to me. Finally, after 4-5 months of that...I caved in and went on Escitalopram. See...it was more anxiety than actual depression. I am so happy I did and my children benefited in their mother being there. I took 5mg a day from December 2012 to April 2013. It helped me to get the edge off and deal with a lot of the issues in a more relaxed way. I slept better and had less mental movies.

It is really not fair. You are not alone. I often have trouble with visions and have trouble sleeping. I think it is fair that if you are having visions and cant sleep that you talk about things right then and there. When we have these thoughts it is obvious we need to talk. If your WS will not then look for a counselling service that you can call. I find it therapeutic as I get things out. Then I can sleep a bit better. If WS is open to talking at 3 am - it is the least they can do.

Takes time. For me about 18 months before I started to begin sleeping the whole night. What you're feeling is the emmense stress and your brain trying to find a way to cope. I refer to your stage as the Zombie stage. Because all you do is trudge around trying to barely get through each day with half red swollen eyes from no sleep. You really aren't aware of what is going on around you, just in front of you, and would do anything to lessen the pain. You feel like the walking dead.

Well Aero as everyone agrees, it totally "suxs". The good news, after a matter of months, your brain wants to reconform to normal (provided the betrayer no longer is betraying) and in a while most parts of most days can pass, productively, indeed happily without real pain.What's the bad news?

This event permanently changes you. You will never be the exact same person you were.There is always going to be a ache and a wariness, alertness-not that you won't be able to trust again, you will but with a different eye. The good news - you will be stronger and love your real life more when it comes back.

Ever see an old oak that had a big nail driven in? It has grown around the iron,it has encompassed it. Its actually a stronger/wiser tree. There are no easy paths. I wish my wife hadn't betrayed me.I wish my life she hadn't. But she did.And after the crazy time, a long visit to Hell ("real "hell could not be worse))I was determined to live more fully than ever I had.And I did.