SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This morning I had some suicidal thoughts - not real actionable thoughts so don't worry - it's just that I felt so bad I wanted not to exist. I did some personal exercises and journaling, I went to yoga, but what I really need to hear was affirmation from another human so I called a dear friend who knows me well who is a longtime psychotherapist working with people with trauma. She was so supportive and affirming. We had a lively discussion about what happened, about the work she does with trauma survivors, and I shared about the work I do with clients who have experienced trauma. We discussed the workshop from many angles and it was immensely helpful.

Even though I knew to trust my gut on the 'off-ness' of this workshop, and I spoke to the leader and left to take care of myself, I still felt like the weird one in the room, and the outcast that doesn't fit, all while having old traumas stirred up. So alienating! It was really important for me to get affirmation. Thanks all of you for the support you provided me and how you kept saying that you were proud of me for standing up for myself. I really needed to hear that. You've helped, my SO helped on Sunday, my friend helped today. I hope I can start to feel a bit more normal from here on out.

I just wanted to update to say that I sent an email request for a complete refund and got a swift response that yes they will reverse the credit card charge. They didn't respond to my description of what happened other than to say our workshops are not for everyone but thank you for the feedback.

It took me about 3 days after this class to feel normal again rather than really depressed.

I am feeling good now, and glad for the refund. I hope to put this experience to bed.

(((IL)))

I still felt like the weird one in the room, and the outcast that doesn't fit

They are easily influenced lemmings. It's just like high school....the different person gets bullied. No one wants to stand up and question authority when you will be picked on and dismissed.

In the real world the individual adds enlightenment to others. Groups aren't creative, individuals are.

Inner Light,

I'm glad you posted about this. Don't be hard on yourself. I'm glad you left. I'm glad you got your refund.

Don't kid yourself, it is a cult. Lots of cults are more new age-y, probably just as many as fundamentalist bible based cults. Probably more. Berating someone or humiliating someone for their personal growth is trademark cult. (I think it was a big tactic used by Jim Jones). And you were only there for two days!!!

I don't like posting about my life but I grew up in a cult that my parents joined in their early 20's. The constant non-stop emphasis on "self-examination" and "growth" other ridiculous navel-gazing to the point of insanity would really start to make me feel like I was going to lose my mind some days. It was considered totally acceptable to pick someone apart in the most bullying way as long as it could be couched in silly pop psychology terms. Looking back now I can almost laugh at some of it because its all so absurd (like your example of when you arrived. wtf?) My own parents wouldn't stand up for me because this kind of treatment was considered good, not bad. It was like crazytown oppositeland. Needless to say we're pretty close to estranged.

And just to be clear there is no goal to "help the group" it's all either about money or someone who enjoys flexing their power over others because of some personality disorder.

When I was 17 I left. When I was 18 I started a job at a strip club after a rent check bounced. I was so happy just to live a life where I could work, buy things I wanted, go out when I wanted and not think all these crazy thoughts about my motives behind it all. I just did what I wanted to do. I didn't have to wring my hands and introspect about why I bought an eyeshadow I didn't really need but just wanted, or told my friend Chloe I wasn't feeling well when the truth was I just didn't feel like going out.

I still talk to my parents on the phone sometimes but I don't see them. In all honesty, I let their calls go through to VM about 80% of the time because I just have no respect for them, and I hate talking to them, and it puts me in a bad mood. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have children in regards to if they can have a relationship there. I've brought it up with my therapist.

To clarify, these weekend growth seminar things are recruiting for the cult. They will retain a certain percentage of attendees who are interested in finding out more and attending more events and eventually wind up all in.

And also, IL, anyone who finds that kind of thing an awesome experience is a total idiot. But I suspect those testimonials are fake. You know, it's just the internet....

You are an intelligent woman.

It was considered totally acceptable to pick someone apart in the most bullying way as long as it could be couched in silly pop psychology terms.

This is what was happening and it was hard to believe there wasn't a bigger exodus than one guy at the first lunch break and me the 2nd morning break.

Absolut - what an amazing story of your childhood in a cult-like environment. I am glad you were able to separate and become your full person, but I am sorry for the estrangement from your parents. ((((absolut)))

Thanks IL I appreciate it. I'm glad you are feeling better.

I am sending you a PM