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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 10:59 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Please don't tell your wife what you intend to do regarding filing a report with the police and hospital.
She'll likely tip off the OM who will try to clean up as much of his trail as he can.
If she's innocent, this shouldn't touch her (much). If she helped him, she SHOULD feel consequences.
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
justme1264 (original poster member #42890) posted at 11:12 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
removed
[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:01 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 11:34 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Please don't tell your wife what you intend to do regarding filing a report with the police and hospital. She'll likely tip off the OM who will try to clean up as much of his trail as he can.
^^This was my first thought. That or that she will take the blame for him to prove/save her love... 
You don't state the nature of his threats/ instability. If it is general harassment and not specific physical threats and if it is likely, assuming she is living with him, that he had access to your number through the bill or her phone - I'd ask the atty to write up a letter to cease and desist all contact or charges will be filed.
You have no children together - I'd get off your wife's phone acct, get a new phone, go complete NC with both of them, and move the D along.
You may still love her - but that doesn't mean it is good for you. Gently... you have to let her go.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:37 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
just, just remember how long your W kept you in the dark, remember she cheated, remember that she's choosing to leave. That all adds up to: she may or may not be an active enemy, but she's definitely not your friend. - and she may actively oppose you with every thing she has and everything she can make up if you protect yourself against her ap.
Protect yourself.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
twisted ( member #8873) posted at 11:38 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Here is why I am concerned - he has since been acting extremely irrational and making threats to me and my wife. He verbally threatened to have a retraining order against me and my wife and swore up and down he would ruin me.
Something isn't adding up here, why is he calling you, the BH, threatening you for what reason, or about what? A restraining order for what? Have you threatened him? Have you ratted him out to the hospital HR staff?
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
twisted ( member #8873) posted at 11:39 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Is the OP married?
[This message edited by twisted at 5:40 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 11:43 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Do not tell your wife anything.
I am somewhat confused though. Does your wife want a divorce to be with this OM? If so, why is the OM causing problems?
Again, do not tell your wife anything. She is the one who seemingly wants a divorce for whatever reason.
Remember this...you did not ask for this OM to be brought into your life. You did not ask for this nightmare to be dropped into your life out of the blue.
You take control of your life and do everything legally possible to get this OM out of your life.
He has already acted with criminal intent by threatening you.
I hope your lawyer is already setting up a meeting with the hospital administrators for tomorrow morning!
No one has a right to go through anyone's medical files. You and your lawyer take control now.
I see no need for you to contact your wife, since she is the one who wants a divorce. And why would she have erased the messages already, is she trying to protect this OM?
ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 11:46 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
I'm just gonna throw out the possibility that your WW is lying to you AND to the OM. Maybe he thinks he's defending her because of lies she told him about you or something.. God knows my douchebag of an ex lied to both me and the OW..
I don't know, but please, protect yourself first. One of a waywards greatest weapons is the love the betrayed has for them... She could be manipulating the hell out of you, and you won't see it, because you don't want to... She is not yours to protect anymore..
twisted ( member #8873) posted at 11:48 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
the initial contact was from him - he used a restricted number to contact me.
In another thread, you said,
His mother picked up, I told her her son was having an affair with my wife and I was looking for him and to have him call me.
Did you not leave your number then? You called his house first, did you not?
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
justme1264 (original poster member #42890) posted at 11:57 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
removed
[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:02 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 12:01 AM on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
Are you and your wife staying together or getting a divorce? I noticed in your tagline that it says your wife loves the OM and wants a divorce.
Like others have read, if your wife is lying to you about many things, anything you tell her now could be used against you in God only knows what ways.
It is probably best to keep all of your plans to yourself and your lawyer at this time.
justme1264 (original poster member #42890) posted at 12:04 AM on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
Thank you all for your comments and advice. I have to remove this conversation as it is becoming a heavy legal matter now.
I am standing up for myself and protecting me. I have sought legal help and am confident I will be protected.
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 12:45 AM on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
justme1264, deleting entire posts is against the guidelines. Please read the guidelines and only post what you are comfortable putting on a public board.
DELETING/EDITING CONTENT: Please use the edit feature to make corrections or additions to your posts but do not use it to remove the entire contents of your post. SI.com does not delete entire threads unless absolutely necessary, even at the original Author's request. Members take time to show support and deleting them would be offensive to those that responded. Please be sure you're comfortable with your post before hitting the Send button.
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
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