SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

There's a song by Randy Newman that has a line "when you're young and there's time, you forget the past. You don't think you will, but you do." That's pretty much how it works, assuming no new hurts come along to rub the scab off the old.

Be sensitive to your wife and don't tell her she's wrong, because that's her reality for the moment. And the fact she will get better doesn't minimize what you've done, because she's probably going to have years and years of unhappiness because of what you chose to do. When someone is in the depths of an infidelity depression, telling them they'll feel better in a few years sounds like eternity. But the time does pass and, with loving and compassionate acts on your part, it will get better.

[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 10:01 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

i have learned one thing in life it is your joy comes from within and not others. So if your wife decided to remain unhappy for the rest of her life that is her choice. That is why some people can have the most horrendous things happen to them and still find joy. And that is something your wife may learn. She may realize she is tired of unhappiness and reach within herself to find it and not let it be dependant on things we cannot control. When your in the pit of self pity it is hard to see the light of day or imagine a time when you felt sunshine for some people. And whether you put yourself in the pit or someone threw you in, only you can climb out. People can help by reaching down into the pit but ultimately, it will be up to her.

I have seen people climb back out. And I have seen people live their entire lives in the pit. You can't decide if someone else will fight back or give in to it. But you can work on you and keep yourself out of the pit. And be there and not push. Don't agree with the "unhappy forever" or "dark cloud forever" but don't disagree. Just apologize and give reconciliation your all.

I have seen people climb back out. And I have seen people live their entire lives in the pit. You can't decide if someone else will fight back or give in to it. But you can work on you and keep yourself out of the pit. And be there and not push. Don't agree with the "unhappy forever" or "dark cloud forever" but don't disagree. Just apologize and give reconciliation your all.

^^^^This!!!!! It's what I've been thinking too. For a while when he would say things like, "there is no joy, only pain." Or something to indicate that he will be miserable forever I would panic and spiral. I would think all kinds of crazy things. But this is the conclusion I've reached too.

He has to choose to be happy or to be miserable. He still has any where from half a year to 3.5 years on the SI healing *average* ...could be more.

I did this to him. Is him being unhappy a good reason to leave him? Absolutely not. If I had given him HIV would that be a good reason to leave him? In sickness and in health, joy and sorrow....etc. I disregarded the vows I made before, never again. In a marriage were supposed to help each other so if I'm healing and he's taking longer to heal I support him and help him. I pick up the slack. I do what I can to bring him joy. I commit to be here for him FOREVER and do it.

I choose a life with Knight and I choose to be happy. I'm working on that. I hope he will too and I believe he is now. There was a time very recently when I wasn't so sure. But even if he chooses to be miserable I still love him the same.

Our MC did an "interview" with me including a question about experiencing joy. I responded with something like, "hahahahaNO." I'm a few months out, zero joy in sight. I do experience happiness, but it feels empty, even when it "shouldn't" be. Some event with our children should be legitimately joyful, for example, but it feels like I had relapsed on a drug addiction when I try to recall my happy feelings of it, if that makes any sense. All forms of happiness get tossed in the "hedonism" bucket somehow, as some kind of self-reminder that I'm in Hell. I expect it to pass, and look forward to that day.