I didn't feel ugly - I felt stupid, fooled, humiliated. Ugly on the inside.
DDOW was the ugliest late 30s Indian woman I've ever seen. She looked like a man. To say I was insulted was an understatement.
OWUmpteen was 24 and beautiful in the way we all were at that age, but has no spark. No wit, no intellect, no charm. She's a hipster redneck. It is kind of hilarious given he has always gone for strong, bold, feisty, smart, exciting women.
I'm not traditionally beautiful, Eastern European mixed with who knows what - unusual in a country of mousy, blue eyed white bread crust cut off anglos. I have vitiligo over 80% of my body and I've had 2 children. But dayum do I own it. I like not being everyone's cup of tea. I like being an acquired taste. I like men who lean towards the quirky, intellectual side. My looks work for me in that regard.
Now? I dress down on the rare occasion that I have to see him. I don't want to trigger any nostalgia for him. I am inherently foxy but it's easy to tone that down when you're cringing in someone's presence.
I did feel uncomfortable in my own skin in that M but that had nothing to do with my looks and everything to do with how I had allowed/was allowing this parasite to treat me.
Let's face it - if his fidelity was based on my looks we were never going to reach 'till death do us part'. No matter how beautiful an 80 year old I'll be if looks was the crux of it he was never going to be around to appreciate it.
t/j KLove - I have 2 babies naturally (no drugs - I'm not a hippy, I have a needle phobia). Shut that shit down - that is ALL about him. My little map of Tassie (Google it 
) is more glorious now than it ever was before. I appreciate her far more than I ever did before. She's amazing and capable of amazing things. Well beyond childbirth. Get those terrible thoughts he planted out of your head. Right now. End t/j
