SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Its terrible how our WS destroy our life with their affair. THEN that isnt enough. They have to strike out at us with physical comparisons.

I wonder WHY they would do this?

IMO it could be they are embarrassed by their own actions and strike out at us when we ask questions because their own memories are painful to relive. Being brutal with the truth would likely prevent further questioning.

Or.

Maybe our WS are still in a fog such that they blame us for their choice to have a affair. Sort of like: *you made me do this. so now I am going to hurt you back when you ask me about it* They blame us as the cause of their actions. And want to strike back at us to hurt us over what we made them do.

?

It may also be not a calculated action but automatic response od selfdefence. She hates being questioned, feels horrible talking about what she did, and this the hurtful truth stops it, all undr cover of doiing what I ask for!

We cannot even complain efectively because then it is .."whatever i do you are upset"

I had a lot of TT from my WH, but when he told me the truth I knew it was it.

There is not a perfect or better person. People have bad and good things on them. For example, the OW did good bjs but she smelled bad. When I saw her I almost felt pity for my WH. I had all what I needed.

When you see the "night" things in the "light" of the day they are different.

Ncharge, now that is class. It boiled down to tits and a pole. Wow, something to be proud of I am sure.

I liked LS's analogy. Some women have larger breasts, some smaller. It has NOTHING to do with the depth of the love they share or the quality of the love they make.

I KNOW there has been NO correlation to quality of sex and the size of a lover's penis. It is really, REALLY about the emotions, the fun, the curiosity, the excitement, the courage to try, and staying emotionally real.

Try very, very hard to remove that intentionally vicious comment from your belief system. I don't care if you NEVER get another hard-on again for the rest of your life, you can be an EXTRAORDINARY lover. Your sex life can be fun and loving and adventurous and all about whatever the two of you want.

Thanks for all the great replies. To those who got the same kind of treatment as me, i'm so sorry you have been hurt like this. In fact this is something else she told me, that "I'm sorry you had to be hurt by this". I recognized then that she had no contrition for what she did. She talked about it almost as if she were telling a story about some one else instead of herself.

I'm hoping some people will come with victory stories.

It occurred to me that about 2 years after DD, when there had been no sex between us for 1-1/2 years, she came to me and said, "...what if I told you it was all a big lie....???? "

I replied, "... I wouldn't believe you...."

[This message edited by tfkeel at 5:49 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]

Tfkeel,

I think that your WW was deliberately lying to you just to be cruel. I'm sorry, but she sounds like she was a calculatingly cruel person.

Plus in my experience, it doesn't matter how "endowed" a man is or isn't. You don't have to have the perfect body to be a great lover. In fact, there are those who have a "buff" physique and are terrible lovers.

tf, please don't assume your current wife doesn't want sex with you because as you put it, "She's had better".

I don't believe that for a minute.

My x was the best sex I ever had until he cheated. He then became the second worst. Why? Because good sex starts in my brain and heart and when I realized he didn't deserve the pedestal I had put him on the sex became mediocre at best. mediocre with mind movies. blech.

Some women, as they get older, find less need for sex and a greater need for emotional bonding and comfort. I think if you love and trust your wife you should talk to her about this instead of assuming the worst.

I think that your WW was deliberately lying to you just to be cruel.

Every time I think of her, a passage of scripture comes into my mind:

Hebrews 12:16,17

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.

It occurs to me now that she, after time, desired to "inherit" her "blessing", and have a loving husband and unbroken family.

But, the place for repentance, alas, was gone.

I wonder WHY they would do this?

I have learned the answer, in my case. Even after 27 years, some things still didn't make sense.

I have learned that my W's "complete truth" was PROPAGANDA.

The basic REAL truth was that she WANTED to cheat.

She was using the "complete truth" as a CON. A "set-up" for the NEXT cheat. An EXCUSE for the current affair to continue, if she could make it

do so.

She, of course, did not cheat because of me. Not because of my lack of "size", not because of my physique, not because of my "low sex drive", not for any of those reasons.

She cheated because she WANTED TO. She was "addicted" to the feelings and the "strokes" of it. She was proving herself worthy of womanhood by her ability to "steal" a man.