SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((t2g))) I'm so sorry.

(((t2g)))

Be kind to yourself. Grieve.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((time2grow)))

How are you doing time2grow?

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 3:31 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

So very sorry for your loss.

(((time)))

One of my cousins committed suicide this past Mother's Day. So I know a tiny bit how you feel.

Have no words of wisdom not already expressed. Just a cyber hug.

I'm so sorry. I hope you're OK, time2grow.

sad12008 - I looked at the site, thank-you.

movingforward777 -

history of mental illness?

Not with him or his family. With my own biological family, boat load of it and I burnt those bridges many years back. I was the foster kid. When he and I went threw our divorces together 5-6 years ago we became best of friends and have been since. (or I thought)

nowiknow23 -

Do you have someone you can talk with IRL?

Not for this.

yearsofpain25 -

let us know the type of person your brother was.

Our last 15 years were identical in so many ways. Great paying jobs. Positions were eliminated about the same time. Divorced together but for different reasons. He had a college degree, I’m still working on mine. We both left the Great Lakes and came to Joplin to help clean up after the tornado. He moved two hours south and I stayed. Both of us still volunteered our time to helping others no matter where we were. Now that I read this, it is a list of accomplishments and not who he was. Fuck . . . I’m avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

No words t2g! I am so very sorry for your loss!

Be kind to yourself time2grow. This is a whole new type of pain that's near impossible to work through sometimes. And accomplishments can say a lot about someone's character. You've painted a good picture. Sounds like he was intelligent, kind, caring, and very giving. Those characteristics make him a very special person.

I'm also originally from the "original mistake on the lake". I swear there is something in the water there.

Seems like I've had a number if discussions regarding suicide around here lately. A lot of deep pain going around. Sounds like your brother falls into the type where it wasn't a cry for help. Please know that it's not your fault and there's nothing you could have done. I know, easier said than done. I should really take my own advice sometime. But it's true. If it was a cry for help he would still be here right now.

Try talking to someone IRL or in a support group if you can. You can always continue to keep posting here to vent and let us know how you're doing. I'm always around if you need to too. Honestly I'm a little worried that you may be isolating yourself and don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want you to end up where I am not being able to deal 20 years later.

I'll check back again later. Let us know how you are doing. Thinking of you.

yop

I'm so sorry.

(((t2g)))

((((t2g))))

There aren't any words...

Emotional pain is unlike any other. The things that cause it are horrible and unfair and in many ways unimaginable unless you have "been there, done that." I am sorry you are in such pain now. And trying to imagine his pain that led to such a decision.

Be kind to yourself, please. Remember the stages of grief. And when you are ready, you'll get back to F&G.

you have my deepest sympathy.

Fuck . . . I’m avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

You couldn't speak words with more truth to them...it is going to take some time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It will come and go and catch you off guard, but every one of us does it a little differently. There is no "right" way unless you are allowing it to stop your own life from happening.

Your brother sounds like an intelligent, caring person who for some reason (that you will probably never really know) chose to end his life. As harsh as that sounds it is the reality of it. HE made this choice and carried through. It does leave everyone else wondering "why didn't I see it coming?" but HE didn't want you to.

Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate, and when you are ready find someone with some experience in suicide to talk to. Most general counselors are great for general things, but suicide needs someone who has some experience dealing with the survivors.

Keep coming back to your SI "family"...there are so many caring, loving people here who have a wealth of experience in many things...it is a good place to "unload" and gain some support....HUGS

movingforward777 -

Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate

As I mentioned in a forgoing post, “I was the foster kid.” Alcohol destroyed my biological home. After my young, dumb and I don’t give a crap teen years I realized I was heading down the same path as them. I made the decision to not have any drugs or alcohol in my life. It is not an option for me today. There are times when life sucks, this being one, but I enjoy having clear thoughts. I don’t always like or want my feelings but they are mine and I own them, not run from them (I’ve been running lately and I’ve had enough).

counselors

I mean no offence to any that are here but I’m lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where I’m at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where I’m at is a waste of my time.

((t2g))

its going to take time. of course you're avoiding...you can only process so much at once.

i'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

How are you doing t2g? Still thinking about you...

yearsofpain25 -

How are you doing t2g?

Today is one of those days where I can’t help but feel I am surrounded by blooming idiots. Many have suggested to me that I would benifit talking to someone who has been in the same situation as myself. So just to get people off my back I started looking and making calls. Online, f2f, etc.

I finally got directed to an organization in town that is to have a suicide survivors support group. I called and the office manager answered. I said my name, my brother took his life 3 weeks ago and I am looking for a suicide survivors support group. She responded, “I am the office manager. I can answer your questions.” I said no, I want to talk to someone who has experienced the same thing. She was starting up again with being the OM so I hung up the phone. Not even 20 minutes later I am getting phone calls, 2 of them, from the local police department wanting to know if I intend to kill myself.

The old battle axe heard what she wanted to and NOT what I said. I never said that, I never eluded to it. I am surrounded by blooming idiots.

Yikes t2g. Sounds like the OM was probably just following protocol and giving canned responses. But there lies the problem right? A canned response.

Very sorry. I have never called one of those numbers myself so not sure what to expect from them. But I am happy to see you reach out. Any thoughts about reaching out again? I know you said counselors didn't work out for you, but surely something should.

Our environments may be different, but I have been in your situation as far as your brother committing suicide. I'm worried about you isolating yourself. I certainly tried to do that but I had a friend who came from a rough background himself and wouldn't let retreat. Do you have any friends IRL that could at least get you out?

yop

I'm so very sorry.

(t2g)

My heart goes out to you. I can relate on some level to the pain, confusion, fear, guilt, etc. that must be hitting you.

My suicide experience was my best friend. I was 15 years old. All these emotions plagued me for years. I never properly grieved...until very recently. I am still grieving her loss. But for over 20...yes, TWENTY, years....I isolated myself, I convinced myself I was unworthy of friendship...after all, my best friend killed herself; I was obviously not a very good friend.

The only real advice I can offer (as I am still figuring out my own grieving process) is this: Find a way that feels right to you to honor the bond you shared with him. Share (in whatever fashion suits you) who he was as a person, what he taught you about yourself, ways that you supported and loved one another...pick what's important to you to remember. And honor him as you see fit. Allow yourself to feel everything that you feel. And as you sit with those feelings see if there are some you need to let go of. Find ways to release them. And hold tightly to the ones that bring you peace.

I'm going to bump a post I made as part of my honoring/grieving process. To give an example of a way I found some peace...though I will warn you, it's pretty raw, the feelings are real, and as you are well aware this process is painful.

(t2g) Reaching out here was a good step. Opening up is so hard. You are doing fine. Keep going. We're here.