SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wow...

I know the advice you are getting here is not what you want to hear. I know you want to believe your WSO.

But please, please, please use your common sense.

He is minimizing this "encounter" in every way possible to make himself appear as a victim. (Either she punched a hole in the condom or stuffed it inside of her. - Seriously??) If she were truly obsessed with your SO, she wouldn't accept $ to end contact. She would continue pushing for a relationship.

Take it from someone who has been-there-done-that; There is WAY MORE to this story.

Red, I'm sorry to see you here. I'm also sorry about the paternity test results. Try as we may, we can't erase affairs, and you have the extra burden of another life here as a reminder.

Take care of yourself. Visit your doctor, get tested for STDs, ask your doctor to recommend a counselor - do individual and joint counseling. Ask your SO to tell you the details again, and again and again...if he lied or minimized the encounter, telling you the details again and again should bring that to the surface.

Don't rush into marriage.

Don't rush into forgiveness - you will go through cycles of hurt and anger. Forgiveness takes time.

Your SO has lost all his right to privacy - track his phone, have him post selfies when he's not at work, all his email accts must be made available to you, all his credit card statements, you know how much cash he has in his wallet in the morning and how much he has at the end of the day, etc. My hubby even bought a device that takes photos every 30 seconds and sends them to me. He did it gladly to earn back my trust.

I wish you healing. I hope this site helps. Keep us all posted.

I'm sorry for your plight.

Just to add additional perspective, I supposedly caught chlamydia from a husband who only hugged someone in a hallway after having drinks together in a bar. It took a very long time before the truth to eventually start trickling out. Ridiculous. He had sex it turned out. They don't like to admit the truth because it makes them feel bad. Be careful.

I would endorse what they others have said. Be very very careful.

I found out 6 weeks ago that my WH's OC was not conceived in a drunken ONS, but as a result of a 10 year "fuck buddy" relationship. I was only told when OC was 2 and I went ahead with M after that. OC is now 6 and although there is hardly any relationship with OC, the relationship with OW continued until 6 weeks ago, usually whilst OWH was babysitting. I feel such a fool for having believed him through fake R and TT.

Now that WH has dumped OW, she is claiming child support having never wanted money before. Paternity has never been tested, but now she wants money for her sexual services, WH is taking the DNA test next week. There is still the possibility that the OC is not my WH's at all.

You know the situation from the beginning. You can get out now. You definitely know that OC is your WF's, you are not married yet. You can make clearer choices. You can walk away.

If you decide to stay with him, you have to define what you can tolerate regarding OC. I can tell you, it cuts me up every day and is very hard to bear. You will have this every day of your life. Your WF may have to pay maintenance, but he does not need to have any contact unless he wants to and you are OK with that. If he has contact with OC, he does not need to have contact with OW. It could be arranged through a third party (although be careful about that, as he might agree to that and still see OW).

Good luck. It is a very tough choice you have to make and only stay if you can really be sure he is remorseful reformed and devoted to helping you heal. Don't take his word for it.