SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We had a "support" group with a couple "trained" in infidelity recovery. We started in '11.

All along I told them I had PTSD from the multiple d-days. That until MrH participated in fixing himself and rebuilding the M, my healing would be stunted. My safety was lost...part of the PTSD. They ignored me.

Last year the "trained" couple went to more training and asked to meet with us. The wife ( a complete know-it-all) told me that they learned many BSs have PTSD symptoms. Then she read them to me. It was this big revelation. She expected me to be impressed.

I knew this. I have said this over and over again during the intervening years. She *finally* learned what I have been trying to tell her.

Guess what? It didn't change their approach at all. It was still "MrH isn't doing what he needs to but that doesn't matter as much as the fact that Holly just hasn't let it go."

It's such a relief to not be in that "support" group any more. At least I have eliminated one avenue of continued wounding.

It's also been called PISD- Post Infidelity Stress Disorder. And I sure as heck feel both the trauma and the PISD feeling sometimes.

Yes it can cause PTSD. I have been diagnosed. When I first found out my wife was a cheater I found a sex photo of her and the OM, I vomited and beat my chest like some kind of wounded animal, the pain I will never forget. That was the TRAMA moment.

Symptoms are diffrent in everyone.

My are/were:

Cloudy thinking

Panic Attacks

Not able to concentrate

Nightmares, reoccuring

Sexual adversion

Cronic low mood

Disconnecting from society, people, no trust.

See someone soon to evaluate this.

You can heal!

Gods best.

[This message edited by steppingup at 3:06 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of being cheated on, and treated with EMDR.

Shirley Glass (Not Just Friends) makes a good case for PTSD as a result of the trauma of finding out that your spouse has betrayed you.

As to whether infidelity causes true PTSD, I would suggest that the manifestation of PTSD symptoms runs along a continuum (seethelight mentioned Post Infidelity Stress Disorder, which is a milder form of PTSD):

The symptoms: restlessness, inability to sleep, memory lapses, no appetite, constantly banging into things (clumsiness), intrusive thoughts, thoughts of suicide, and reliving the trauma.

I think it's probable that any one person may have all or a few of the symptoms, either in severe or mild forms.

I haven't posted on the forum in quite some time but I recently experienced something that relates to this thread and I want to share.

I went to a BBQ party right before Independence Day. I was with a guy who brought me to meet his family. His cousin's wife started to talk about my date's sister and that her boyfriend is allegedly cheating on her. She said he's been photographed with a girl at work and my date's sister was contacted by the alleged OW via Facebook.

Before I knew what was happening, my heart was pounding out of my chest, I began shaking, I had "tunnel vision" and could not resist the urge to cry. My date knows the details of my experience with my XH and admonished his cousin. I explained that I had gone through a similar experience and that's why I'm divorcing.

It has been 7 months since DDay. I've had my share of triggers but the last time I did was months ago. I guess I responded because of the intensity with which the woman was sharing the story as the similarity to my own.

Later, my date's sister showed up to the BBQ with her child and all I could think was that I knew the look on her face.

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 3:45 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

I walked in on WH and OW together in my home. I was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD and on meds for a while. My symptoms, straight from the DSM5, included:

Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive memories.

Violent nightmares.

Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks)

Intense or prolonged distress

Hypervigilance

Reckless, self-destructive behavior

Exaggerated startle response

Problems with concentration

Sleep disturbances

Trauma-related external reminders (i.e., triggers)

Persistent (and often distorted) negative beliefs and expectations about oneself or the world (e.g., "I am bad," "The world is completely dangerous").

Persistent distorted blame of self for causing the traumatic event or for resulting consequences.

Persistent negative trauma-related emotions (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame)

Markedly diminished interest in pre-traumatic significant activities.

Feeling alienated from others (e.g., detachment or estrangement)

Constricted affect: persistent inability to experience positive emotions.

I think MANY of us here have the disorder, but not all are diagnosed or get help for it. If you're curious about the "offical" definition, read this: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/dsm5_criteria_ptsd.asp

[This message edited by krsplat at 6:02 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of being cheated on, and treated with EMDR

damncutekitty,

Did this help?

I've been considering this in my own life, as well. The evening I found out (DDay), I called the WH, who was out of town. His response was to drive 4 hours, maintaining an intense anger the whole time, and show up in my room at 1 a.m. with "get the fuck outta bed." A lot more verbal abuse, then he slammed his keys on the counter and left...for good.

I cannot profess to understand. I only asked him if he was actually driving my car out of town to meet another woman. He was. And I had absolutely no clue until that e-mail popped up on the computer screen. (He'd left it open on my computer.) But he still inflicted this traumatic "midnight visit" on me and the fur-babies. None of us have yet recovered enough to sleep through the night, and I have nightmares, and feel dissociated during the day. That was 4 months ago. Is that PTSD?

I dunno, I wouldn't want to detract from the war experience of so many who served my country. But I think it might be a subset. How to get help?

WinterBranch,

It takes nothing away from services members to acknowledge that PTSD can result from ANY traumatic experience: car accidents, being the victim of a violent crime like rape or a mugging or physical abuse, surviving a natural disaster... The human brain processes trauma the same way regardless of the cause.

Please go the DSM5 website in the post just above yours, and see if you meet the criteria (a minimum of one or two symptoms from each category for a duration of at least one month). If so, you have PTSD.

[This message edited by krsplat at 6:28 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

Outside of the constant anxiety, obsessive thoughts, being easily startled constantly...

Every time I have found a new piece of evidence my body basically shuts down. I lose circulation in my hands and feet as my body tries to save my more critical parts (heart/brain). I get so cold I end up in a ball shivering trying to get warm. The only solution has been a hot bath (sometimes requiring 2-4 a night). It typically last 1 day.

As a child, I was repeatedly molested by a relative for years, and then while still in elementary school, I was also raped by a man who lived down the street. I endured the acts, police, rape kit, testifying, court trials, and the impact to both my family and neighborhood. I can say without a doubt, that my husband's affair was more damaging than either of these two situations. Yes, that is right my husband's affair was WORSE THAN RAPE.

Why? Because an A destroys not only your present and your future, but also your past. You lose your memories, the basis for your personality and how you define your place in the world. It destroys your self-esteem, your sex life, your ability to make friends, and makes you question your own judgement and sense of reality. When people say, 'It was driving me crazy' to those who have not been the victim of this horrible act it sounds like they were 'very upset' or 'very angry'. No, they literally mean it was driving them crazy in a wall melting, complete mental breakdown way.

Is that PTSD? I don't care what they call it. Anyone who would do this to another person is a despicable piece of shit and I'm tired of hearing about compartmentalization and other lame excuses.

Hello everyone

From my personal experience yes. Although I understand there is some literature refuting this possibility - My 'symptoms' were so overwhelming and persistent for over a year that I can only draw on my own reality.

I ticked every box on the list krsplat's list above.

My psychologist took some time using CBT interventions before gently offering a 'diagnoses' which my GP also confirmed.

He then worked with me using "TRE" Traumatic Release Exercises or 'core release exercises'.

In his diagnosis he observed my childhood trauma from both my parents infedlity was also being triggered and replayed due to my husbands. he explained that infedility puts the family and parental team in jeopardy which children link to an attack on their security and survival needs. This then traumatises children - were the ensuing conflict is well out of their control and scope of influence. In my case both of my parents where 'repeat offenders' playing the drama over and over again - my first awareness of this was around 5 yrs of age. However, I think I sensed the threat even younger - being unreasonably (on the surface) jealous of any one of the opposite sex giving either of them any attention even when I was as young as 3.

It caught me in a loop where I couldn't effectively progress in my healing cycle as I kept reliving the threat like it was here and now - even after the affair was over and Freddy was fully committed to reconciliation.

I still trigger sometimes. Happened just two weeks ago. The fog came back, with ringing in my years, blurred vision, heart palpitations, felt like I was fighting for my life.

But the release exercises have definitely managed the intensity and frequency and have supported my healing immensely.

been a long time since I have talked about this.

MegM

Yes. EMDR saved my life. I'd had past traumas that I didn't deal with which came flooding back after dday and compounded everything.

Some information from a therapist's website that may help anyone, especially newbies, wondering what the hell is going on with them and why:

The onset of symptoms of traumatization may occur immediately after the event or may occur weeks or even years later. The defining symptoms of post-traumatic stress are bipolar in nature, consisting of elements of intrusion, re-experiencing and avoidance. There may be vivid nightmares and flashbacks, intrusive thoughts about the event or what could have happened, anxiety, panic, sleep disturbances, irritability, feelings of uncontrollable rage and a sense of hypervigilance. Conversely, there may also be emotional numbing, depression, fatigue, a sense of detachment both from oneself and others and loss of motivation, joy and interest in one's life.

PTSD may be classified as acute (duration of symptoms is less than three months), chronic (duration is three months or more) or delayed onset (onset of symptoms is at least six months after the stressor). For some people, symptoms may not emerge until years later when another trauma or distressing event triggers the original trauma, causing it to return in its full intensity.

Perhaps the most painful aspects of trauma are the losses it causes: loss of a world view that the world is a safe and predictable place to be, the personal loss of a sense of control and efficacy, a shattered sense of identity, loss of meaning in life and a loss of self.

BRAIN STRUCTURES AND PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSES TO TRAUMA

PTSD reactions are physiologically as well as psychologically based. During a traumatic event, a person's brain and physiology are profoundly affected. Lower brain centres responsible for the emergency strategies of fight/flight and freeze are immediately called into play, resulting in a dramatic biochemical cascade which readies the body for survival.

The amygdala - our early warning system

At the heart of our survival responses is a midbrain structure called the amygdala, considered to be part of the brain's emotional processing system (the limbic system). It is like an early warning system – a "smoke detector" in our brains. It can appraise sensory input within a fraction of a second and is responsible for alerting us to possible danger, assigning an event its emotional valence (good/bad, safe/dangerous).

The amygdala is an organ of memory as well as appraisal, registering experience in the form of presymbolic (nonverbal) emotional memories which are not conscious. Thus, our appraisals of the present may be affected by traces of the past that lie outside of our awareness.

What does the amygdala do?

When activated, the amygdala triggers an immediate, body-wide response to threat by signaling the brainstem to activate the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. The result is a release of potent neurochemicals, including epinephrine (adrenaline), norepinephrine and cortisol. There is an instant alertness and blood is shunted to where it is needed most to carry out the neuromuscular activity of fight / flight.

However, the body does not move into a full-blown fight or flight response unless the meaning assigned by yet another limbic structure – the hippocampus - is that the situation is indeed dangerous. This structure modulates the amygdala's bias toward hair-trigger reactions.

How the hippocampus modulates the amygdala's reaction

The hippocampus organizes information according to sequence and context. It places an event in time and essentially is the brake that engages the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system to deactivate the state of arousal that was initiated by the amygdala.

The body returns to a state of relaxation once the emergency is over and either fight or flight was successful or the event was evaluated to be a false alarm.

How Trauma can "short-circuit" the return to relaxation

However, in cases of overwhelming trauma, the extreme cascade of neurochemicals is thought to bypass the engagement of the hippocampus as well as the language centres of the brain (hence, the experience of "speechless terror"). In this case, the amygdala remains in a reactive state, priming the body for fight or flight. This may be experienced subjectively as emotional reactivity, with periods of either unremitting anxiety or a propensity towards aggression and rage. It also explains the symptoms of intrusion that exist in PTSD.

In childhood, secure relationships have the effect of allowing the child's developing hippocampus to balance the reactivity of the amygdala. However, experiences of abuse, neglect and acute trauma can temporarily shut down the hippocampus or inhibit its development, leaving the reactive amygdala unmodulated. This has widespread implications for the child's development.

Dissociation and the freeze response to danger

The third biologically driven response to danger is the freeze or immobility response. The freeze state is activated when fight or flight are pointless. While in this state, the body releases additional doses of pain-killing endorphins. It is here that we must turn our attention to dissociation. Dissociation is thought to be the human correlate of the immobility response in animals.

While in a freeze state, people dissociate – that is, they become detached and disconnected from the event. The alert mind becomes numb, perhaps owing to effect of increased circulating opioids, and memory access and storage are impaired, resulting in some amnesia for the events that occur while in this state.

Bear in mind that success in biological terms is based on survival – that is, what matters is whether we survived, not how we survived. This is important to note in countering the self-recrimination of someone who blames themselves for not running or fighting back when actually their autonomic nervous system made that decision for them by moving into a freeze response.

There is a paradoxical quality to the immobility response. Recall that huge amounts of energy have been mobilized for the fight/flight responses - this undischarged energy then remains a part of the automatic vegetative or freeze state.