SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Biggest trigger? No, it's OW and he still works with her. I don't see her often but when I do it still pretty much ruins my day. Others that used to be big still trigger me but I can usually push through them. WH texting is hard. Seeing a bunny/fox too (her nicknames for them, they even used emoji's back and forth like bunny/heart/fox, fox/heart/bunny ). Hopefully someday those won't bother me anymore.

I did :) I honestly can't remember the last time I triggered.

I have conquered most of my triggers but the biggest test and trigger for my progress and sanity will come in September. My WH was with the OW on my birthday while I was out of town. I am hoping for the best and not lose it.

I am about 15 months out from the 3rd DDay and my biggest triggers are "events" and my memory of previous year's events when the A was going on and I didn't know. I am haunted by thoughts of what occurred and my mental attemps to reconcile them in my mind.

[This message edited by SusanR at 5:36 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

If I ever felt like I had to conquer something to stay in a marriage I would leave. I'm not gonna do mental gymnastics to stay here. Triggers are what they are. Feel them, honor why you have them and then they either go away or stick around a while. It gets better with time. If I feel like I can't handle some big ones (seeing the OW) then it's probably time to go. Then again, I might not care or I'll get used to it.

To think that not only did Affairs happen but I have another mountain to climb to get a handle on things - I think it's too much. Why must we twist ourselves into pretzels to stay?

rachelc - I don't really see me conquering a trigger as being about the M, the OW, or my husband at all. I see it as being about me.

Or rather I should say *for* me. I want to figure out how to deal with triggers for my own sanity, for my own moving past. It isn't at all about the M or R or anything being dependent on it. It's about giving myself permission to have control over that aspect again. Probably not the right wording. But yes, I don't see the triggers as being about my H, M, R, or OW at all (phew lots of acronyms)

I understand and I'm sure that's the healthy way of looking at all this....

The biggest? No. And I never will I suspect.

2yrs out and still working on them. Main trigger is going to the location where they messed around. HATE going by there. ... I think the mind movies have gotten better.

This is where I'm at. Unfortunately, we still live near her old playground. There are rendezvous spots that even a year out, I have yet to go near, driving miles out of the way to avoid.

I'm not really sure what my biggest trigger is. Music still has a pretty good chance of making me ill, so I am careful what I listen to. Babies are a trigger, but I am being pro-active in spending time with friends who have babies and that has helped. Young, unwed pregnant women are a trigger. Hearing someone has separated is a trigger. Anything remotely romantic is a trigger.

BUT. My own body is no longer a trigger, and for a long time that was the biggest one. Sex with my H is not a trigger.

For me, a trigger is just what puts me at risk of bursting into tears, vomiting or generally losing control of my thoughts. It would be wrong to imagine I wasn't thinking about it and something happened that just suddenly reminded of some part of the A. It is on my mind 24/7. Always. Every moment of the day. It is a part of who I am now, the same as if my H had died. But it hurts less and less acutely as time goes by. Some triggers faded away, some I have had to face head-on, some I have had to just let wash through me, or lean into the pain. None have been conquered - there is always the potential for a kick behind the knees. But I have not been conquered by them either. I'm still standing and I'm still winning.