SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DrJekyll,

My thinking and intentions have not been clear to me at all, but I think you have hit the nail on the head. Last night, my BS accused me of being in false reconciliation and said that I am still having an emotional affair in my head. He said that he needs to protect his feelings, and I respect him for that. I didn't consider myself in false reconciliation or that I was still having an affair, but I see that he is right. We have begun talking about separation.

I don't know what is up or down right now. I am completely messed up. I am not on solid ground. I am terrified of quitting my job. It's not a matter of choosing my job over my husband. It is much, much deeper than that.

Here are the questions I am asking myself right now:

1. would separating help bring me into the light?

or

2. would throwing caution to the wind and quitting my job help bring me into the light?

When I say "into the light," I mean 100% emotionally and spiritually committed to reconciliation - nothing getting in the way.

I have always considered myself a moral person. This experience has completely pulled the rug out from under my feet.

It's entirely possible neither separating or quitting your job will commit you to R. I think you need time and perspective, and probably a lot of IC and MC.

What is it about your job that compromises your marriage? If AP was your boss I'd understand, but it sounds like your have been the bread winner and are providing the health ins coverage for your family. I see little reason to give up this one piece of stability in your life.

Right after my A I had a feeling of being trapped by my life. Since I was so miserable I associated my H and family with somehow keeping me from ever being happy again. The more I realized I had choices, the less trapped I felt. And thank god I was smart enough to pick my H. If you are financially dependent on your BS during this rocky time, it seems you will feel even more obligated to stay instead of CHOOSING to stay.

familyfirst,

That's the thing. I don't think I am in the right headspace to make major decisions, but I am feeling so much pressure to feel and be different than what I am right now.

I don't think our MC or my IC know how much of a crisis this really is.

I have a soul sucking job. I don't enjoy it, but lately I have had some professional success. I don't work directly with AP, but I met him through work. It's easy to avoid having contact with him. I am required to travel, which is how I met AP, and that is obviously a big issue as well.

I might recommend a Limbo period for both you and your BS. take a few months and both of you should think through what you really want. think through and discuss all of your options. no decisions for 4-6 months.

That is if you both are not totally committed to R.